50 Weird Things Kirby Has Done
by TechnoDee
Summary: Kirby is your textbook hero who saves everything almost flawlessly, and he would like to tell you how he grew a toadstool on his lamp. Or how bread juice makes a nice drink.
1. Introduction of Kirby

**12 June 2015**

 _I could have been earlier._ _Indeed could have been earlier. Much earlier. Five days earlier._

 _IF you remember and you are here and you're not dead and you're still reading remember that thing I did a while ago? I mean the_ thing _you know the thing ugh, the Minion-project-rip-off thing-thing?_ _No? Yes? No? No? Okay._

 _Anyway, yeah. Just read. Do nothing but do the read. And the review. Later, maybe. And before literally anything while the title implies "weird" they're not necessarily weird, just. Like. Uh. Interesting. Notable. And that this follows the gameverse, not the animeverse, Kirby can talk Kirby is not with unadulterated innocence noooooononopenope.  
_

 _And that none of these are actually official they're just what I think so do not, do not, do not, be all "no NOOOo no nO he cannot do this becaUSe", thank. (Unless it's completely out of hand, like Meta Knight marrying the first wall you come across in Castle Dedede.)_

* * *

01\. Introduction  


 _of a pink puffball who sometimes sleeps in a tent just outside his house.  
_

* * *

Most knew Kirby as a benevolent creature.

This was true. Kirby was so benevolent it was hard to see him as anything but and oh my goodness the amount of benevolence keeps inflating you'll never be under the same roof as Kirby because his benevolence is so big—

Yes, yes, this was all true. Kirby was a kind creature, and it was rare for him to commit any terrorising acts. (Although it did happen—you read nothing.) He often saved Dream Land, or even Pop Star, and occasionally, the entire universe. And maybe even other dimensions, too! Kirby was a helpful person. A helpful, busy person.

Just because he was a helpful, busy person didn't mean he wasn't a person either. He had ideals, dreams, likes and dislikes—just like a normal person. Things he preferred doing, things he didn't. Things like reactions and feelings—he cried easily if the atmosphere was carefree enough. Things like mistakes—while he didn't often make mistakes when he was saving the world, he often stumbled with his tongue, made slip-ups.

Someone like that could be called a "hero", right?

Heroes always had rivals, be they allies or enemies. King Dedede was always after Kirby's throat, and Meta Knight promised to "have his head on a diamond platter and hang it on a chandelier in his house". Kirby repeatedly wondered how Meta Knight would have Kirby's "head" when ninety percent of his body was his head, but the knight always refused to answer.

Kirby never liked enemies. He liked having friends, and having enemies were annoying. They always got in the way. _Always!_ Saving the world was fun, but doing it so many times just got annoying sometimes. If he could, he'd go up and make the king have some social time with him and then they'd be "best buddies" for life. _For life._

A friend-loving hero sounded pleasing to the ears. He had many quirks, though. Many.

This is the introduction of Kirby, the heroic, innocent-seeming puffball, who went back and saved everything numerous times, and he wants to let you know his bedsheets are blue.


	2. Sleeping of the Tired

**13 June 2015**

 _Also do not mind the fact that the Kirbys in all my fics are like different. Yeah. Do not do the mind._

 _The one from the Minion project will always be my favourite tho._

 _I have (attempted to) give this Kirby a more childish personality (though still good. all kirbs are good. that fact will never change.) though that will probably be easier to see once I kick Dedede/Meta Knight in. Somewhere. Someday._

* * *

02\. Sleeping

 _of the same Kirby who has taken a liking to napping in large bodies of water.  
_

* * *

After any rescue of sort, Kirby got tired.

 _Really_ tired. Travelling around the world or worlds just to receive the news that some backstabbing piece of something decided to lengthen Kirby's adventure was time-consuming, energy-consuming, enemy-consuming, patience-consuming,  &c, &c.

"Then he should go back to his house and rest, then." Yeah, _no_. His house was in a more secluded area dubbed Nowhereville by the locals because of how little people resided there. Because it was so far away. From _everything_.

"Um... Kirby," the bandana-toting waddle dee coughed, balancing on his float precariously, "if... if you need transport home, I could get a nice group of waddle dees to carry you back there."

Kirby, who apparently did not need a float, cracked open an eye and started at Bandana Dee, before pushing himself upwards so that he was floating upright. "Ooh! Like a crowd surf?"

"Yes... well, no, well—it's not really a crowd." Bandana Dee winced. "But it's better than sleeping out in the ocean, you know. I mean, there are sharks."

Kirby produced a sound of a mixture of a snort and a puffball drowning. "I thought you'd prefer me being eaten by a shark? You're a minion, after all. A lot of the minions are meanies."

Even though Bandana Dee was a castle minion, and Kirby had basically _eaten_ Bandana Dee once, Bandana Dee still found himself befriending Kirby after the pink puffball saved him from a tree. They had a talk after that and Bandana Dee discovered Kirby was not the monstrous children-eating ogre he once thought the small puffball was.

Yes, a _tree_. Yes, it sounded pathetic. Bandana Dee most preferred if no one rubbed it in his face.

Whenever possible, though, Bandana Dee escaped from the castle briefly to pay Kirby a visit. Kirby was hard to find, at first, but Bandana Dee eventually found all the spots Kirby often visited—his home, (napping) in the ocean, on the roof of the police office in the village... a lot of places.

"I don't want you eaten by a shark," Bandana Dee reassured quickly. If Kirby had any, he would've quirked a brow. "Why don't you sleep somewhere else safer? Like the village gardens, or something."

"There are carnivorous plants in the garden." And with that, Kirby tipped back over and resumed attempting to have some shut-eye time.

Bandana Dee didn't recall any _carnivorous plants_ in the village, though. "Sleep beside them. Away from them."

"Then someone will kick me into them and I will be eaten alive by a bunch of carnivorous plants."

" _What?_ No, no one's going to do that, Kirby."

Sighing deliberately loudly, Kirby turned and flopped to the other side, submerging his face in the water. "Blrb blith bliping blherb."


	3. Excessive Help of Bandana Dee

**14 June 2015**

 _Yes, I am already sick of writing Bandana Dee. He practically has two fanfictions devoted to him and I am READY TO SKIP THE BANDANA DEE BITS IN THIS FIC. You know. In the next chapter.  
_

* * *

03\. Excessive Help

 _of Bandana Dee, who may have mastered the spear but still has an unbearably weak stamina.  
_

* * *

Kirby could be a little lazy sometimes, and even a tad selfish when it came to certain things, although that never really interfered when it came to saving the world or worlds or dimensions or universe.

Specifically, helping people.

"Bandana Dee," Kirby addressed, swooping the plastic bags from the waddle dee's grasp, "y'know, if you needed help carrying things back and forth, you should _ask_ one or a bunch of the minions back in the castle to _help_ , otherwise you're gonna collapse like jelly—speaking of jelly, how much pudding do I still have—?"

Bandana Dee, who was not thrilled at the thought of Kirby assisting him in carrying _plastic_ _bags_ containing _cabbages_ , thrust a stub out and managed to safely hook onto a single plastic bag and retrieve it, but the other two were still in the clutches of the pink puffball, who did not seem to retain the thought of returning it to Bandana Dee anytime soon.

" _Kirby_ ," Bandana Dee said, mocking Kirby from earlier, "thank you for your help, I really do appreciate it. But you don't have to help me—really, I can manage it— _don't_ give me that dubious look. I do it all the time."

"You _do_?" Kirby echoed. "I really thought you were gonna melt into a puddle of Band-Aid goo if I hadn't stepped in."

And with that, all three of them were back in Kirby's hands. Bandana Dee didn't cope with sudden changes or surprises very well.

If any of the villagers actually knew Bandana Dee worked in the castle, rumours would spread around like wildfire. It was one of the moments where Bandana Dee thanked himself for looking so pathetic and frail—okay, not really, and most of the waddle dees looked weak, anyway. The villagers hadn't stepped inside the castle once, so they wouldn't recognise him at all. Probably.

Meanwhile, Kirby hummed as he trotted down the path with Bandana Dee trailing behind him. And of course, the pink puffball thought it was perfectly acceptable and normal to waltz to the castle and plonk a bunch of plastic bags there with Bandana Dee behind him. Of course.

"You really don't need to help," Bandana Dee repeated, feeling a little more of a failure than he already felt he was. Another attempt, another failure. "Kirby. _Kirby_. This is getting out of hand."

"This is getting out of _your_ hand," Kirby retorted, holding the bags higher up so that Bandana Dee wouldn't be able to reach them easily. "Why don't you want my help, anyway?"

Because Bandana Dee liked to be responsible. And doing that was making him feel anything but. Not that he'd say that, of course.

"If the king sees you helping me, he could fire me, or he'll decide to do something really bad again." Those were substitute reasons, but they weren't half bad, at least.

"It'll be fine. He won't see anything." Kirby waved it off, flicking his stub flippantly.

Bandana Dee wasn't sure whether to feel particularly blessed or particularly stupefied.


	4. Keeping of Tomatoes

**15 June 2015**

 _The thought of carnivorous plants has been pretty entertaining to me recently.  
_

* * *

04\. Keeping

 _of tomatoes that were meant to be sold.  
_

* * *

Kirby liked eating.

"I do too!" you whine at the phrase up ahead. Not because of any particular reason apart from the fact that you _do_. Like eating, I mean.

Maybe that was an understatement. When it came to eating, Kirby was a little... tenacious. _Very_ tenacious. Though, he didn't really have the money to satisfy himself constantly.

Kirby was a hero, sure, but he didn't actually get _pay_ for it. He got small (or big) gifts sometimes, but he didn't actually get paid for it, no. And the "government" didn't reward him or anything, mostly because on Pop Star, it wasn't really considered a government, and hey. _Hey_. The "government" was the one whom he protected Dream Land from. He was a little miffed about it. He at least deserved a little more rewards, right? _Right_?

For a living, Kirby grew crops. Simple job, nothing outstanding. There had been a small field near Kirby's house and he claimed it, found some seeds and started planting. He sold them directly to people. Most of them bought from him because he was the only farm in that area, albeit a little small, and they weren't ridiculous prices either.

"No more tomatoes," Kirby said absentmindedly, before looking back down at his sketchbook and drawing god-knows-what. His stall consisted of a creaky bench and a wooden sign with "CROPS FOR SALE" sloppily painted on in red paint.

Bandana Dee sighed, wringing his hands. "Really? I thought really little people buy stuff from you..."

"Yes, and I grow really little stuff as a result. And it was only _last week_ that you bought some of those leeks—lettuce, or whatever—and you're coming down _again_?"

"Cabbage," Bandana Dee corrected. "And it's not my fault. Orders are orders."

Looking back up, Kirby twirled his pencil and shrugged. "Go head off to the village's markets, or something. I'm sure they provide."

"I went to them already. They were my first stop. Not you."

"Thanks."

It took Bandana Dee a while to understand Kirby's reply. "Sorry—that wasn't what I meant."

A very awkward silence entailed that, and Bandana Dee wasn't sure whether he should just abscond the heck out of there or just stand there and let some surprising being push him into what Kirby would call a garden of carnivorous plants and then he would be eaten alive and on his gravestone they would write under his pathetic name, "EATEN ALIVE BY CARNIVOROUS PLANTS."

"Oh!" Kirby suddenly yelled—okay, no, he _didn't_ yell, but it was loud enough to startle Bandana Dee and send the poor thing shrieking and decamped into a very thin bush nearby. "It's teatime!" And with that, the puffball retreated into his hemisphere-shaped house.

Teatime? That was around three or four, right? And he was to be back at five. No way he'd make it there back in time. Maybe he'd just stay in the shadows of the thin bush and hope he would never be found, and then he'd be out in the newspapers. Maybe.

While Bandana Dee was having his inner war of near-self-destruction, Kirby emerged and was back sitting on the bench with his sketchbook and everything, only that he had a basket full of suspiciously red things and he was eating one of the suspiciously red things.

"You said you were _out_ of tomatoes," Bandana Dee huffed, who, even though was still apparently in the woes, was still aware of the suspiciously red things' existence.

"Bandana Dee, let me tell you something," Kirby sighed exasperatedly, completely avoiding Bandana Dee's statement. "When life gives you lemons, you use them to replace tomatoes. Go! Go forth and find those lemons I'm sure you can find!"

"You are _incredibly_ selfish," Bandana Dee spat, crawling out of the shrub, "and unless you can find me a pizza that uses lemons instead of tomatoes, I am not going to listen to you. At all."

"Whatever, whatever, potato, potahto." Kirby rolled his eyes. "Anyway, these are expired. I kind of forgot about them after I harvested 'em, and I can't be selling those. Besides, you _can_ make pizza with lemons instead of tomatoes, you know. You'll just get a really gross pizza and no one'll want to eat it."

Bandana Dee sighed, turning heel, back to the castle, and added "do not bother arguing with Kirby" in his list of do-nots.


	5. Cleaning of Windows

**16 June 2015**

 _I nearly forgot about writing a chapter today oops.  
_

 _Don't know if I kept Dedede's character in line. I tried. At least._

* * *

05\. Cleaning  


 _of panes that are nowhere near his.  
_

* * *

"Your Majesty! Your Majesty! Your Maj—"

"Shut up!" Dedede hollered back, subconsciously squeezing the fork in his grip. He swore he couldn't have a moment where a minion wasn't bothering him with something or other while he was plotting something evil, doing something evil, sleeping, taking a bath— _what-ev-er_ , _something_ was always the problem.

A waddle dee stumbled in clumsily into the throne room, panting heavily. Ah, A waddle dee. It had been a waddle doo the last time. Or was it a bronto burt? Or that elephant—Pan Pan? Fan Dan?

"I'm—uh, I—um, I apologise for interrupting your—ah— _afternoon snack_ , Your Majesty," the waddle dee said, throwing a quick glance at the steak before the king, "but we've just received news Kirby is in the castle."

" _WHAT_?" Dedede didn't really intend to flip over his table, but his abrupt stand all but shoved said table over and came crashing down onto the floor. Oh. The steak. Ah, well, he'd get another one later. "Why?! I haven't executed my plan yet! Grr... where is he?!"

Jumping, the waddle dee seemed almost taken off guard, and he fidgeted nervously. "Ah... uh, about that... well, he... um... he's not really... much of a threat right now, you see, so... um..."

Stupid minions. It always took them so long to reply, didn't it? Useless! The only reason they were even working in his castle because of _his_ mercy, and they still failed to live up to his expectations. He'd have a talk with them after he defeated Kirby, probably. If they weren't told off properly, they'd never start working up to the point where they were of the first-grade standard.

" _Where is he?_ "

"Oh! Um..." The waddle dee dropped his arms. "Um, he's cleaning... the... castle windows..."

When Dedede descended two floors and peered outside of the first window to his right, Kirby was bloated up, floating, wiping the window with what seemed to be a wet cloth and waving to the penguin with his other hand.


	6. Caring of Plants

**17 June 2015**

 _"Why was he cleaning the windows in the last chapter?"  
_

 _Kirby likes to leave a good impression. He doesn't really want to be classed as "Worst and Most Unhelpful Enemy Who Does Not Clean Your Windows"._

* * *

06\. Caring  


 _of suspiciously healthy plants.  
_

* * *

Bandana Dee really liked plants.

It might've been a weird interest, but Bandana Dee found it reasonable. Plants were living creatures, yet they didn't really act like one. Sure, they grew, reproduced, they could die, but they didn't really... _do_ anything. They couldn't really move freely, no. Or maybe they could. Maybe they just didn't move because they had no reason to. But then why didn't they run from forest fires? Maybe they couldn't move after all?

In short, Bandana Dee really liked—or had a huge interest in—plants.

Apart from those carnivorous plants Kirby was so obsessed about.

"I don't really understand why you're so onto carnivorous plants, especially when you're a _farmer_."

Kirby glanced back at Bandana Dee, who had reclined into one out of two of Kirby's chairs. "I don't really understand why you're so adamant about visiting me every day off you're given," he retorted, turning back to where he was trying to split open a watermelon seed.

"Well, that's... because." Bandana Dee uncomfortably shifted in his seat, wincing as he took a look around Kirby's house—or room, rather. It was small, and crammed full of things Bandana Dee wouldn't consider necessary. It was harder to walk around Kirby's house than to take a hike to reach Nutty Noon.

Humming, the pink puffball apparently wasn't very thrilled at Bandana Dee's terrible answer.

"Well, there are many carnivorous plants around Pop Star, if you've seen them. I guess you're too cooped up in the castle to actually know. When I have to save Pop Star another time, maybe you should come along. I know the general area where they are."

The way Kirby talked about saving the world like it was just going to a playground unsettled Bandana Dee.

The waddle dee didn't reply, but only because he wasn't really against the idea. Although, looking at it from a realistic point of view, it'd probably never happen. If the king ever saw him aiding Kirby, or following him, it was out of the castle for Bandana Dee. Maybe if someone somehow persuaded the king? Or if the king himself went along with them?

Kirby's sudden piercing shriek alarmed Bandana Dee's instincts, and the waddle dee managed to somehow use his amazing parkour skills to leap over all the trash in Kirby's house to where said puffball was. He was crouched over a small plant, which seemed perfectly healthy apart from the fact that it seemed that one of its leaves had somehow dropped off.

"He _died_!" Kirby wailed. "Bob _died_!"

 _You named your plant?_

Bandana Dee edged closer to the small plant, peering at is carefully. Apart from that one leaf, everything else seemed okay, and...

 _You named your_ plastic _plant?_

"I _killed_ him!" Kirby continued bawling. Bandana Dee knew Kirby was never serious about anything apart from his income and when it came to saving the world, but this situation was just... _no_.

"You can't kill a plastic plant, Kirby," Bandana Dee reassured, wondering how the leaf even fell off in the first place.

A hiccup, then a sniff, and Bandana Dee thanked Kirby didn't have a nose similar to Dedede's, because if Kirby did, there would be tears and boogers running all across his face, and Bandana Dee would cry at the fact that Kirby would look so darn ugly, and then they'd both be crying at each other for the next hour or so.

Kirby sniffed, and finally snapped back, "My fake plant died because I didn't pretend to water him!"


	7. Fixing of the Leaf

**18 June 2015**

 _Shorter chapter, because I am a lazy trash can.  
_

* * *

07\. Fixing  


 _of something that didn't need to be fixed.  
_

* * *

Bandana Dee wasn't _there_.

At Kirby's place, he meant.

And Kirby would've pretended to throw a tantrum if it weren't for the fact that some people were buying food from him, and customers were highly valued in his area. Besides, if Kirby threw a tantrum whenever he was by himself, he'd be having a tantrum every day. And how does one successfully take care of real crops when throwing a tantrum?

And anyway, he had something important to do.

Kirby closed his shop temporarily (or rather, spun the sign around so the words painted on it couldn't be seen) shut and locked the door because what he was going to do required _immense concentration_. It took as much concentration as you needed for a surgery. Which was as much as you needed to defeat the final boss on hard mode. Which is a lot.

After some ten minutes of slaving around, Kirby finally sighed, setting down the tape on a pile of books he still hadn't read yet. That was tiring. Maybe he'd have a sixty hour nap to compensate, or just eat everything he had in his small fridge. And microscopic cupboard. Or maybe not—it wasn't time to go grocery shopping yet.

Crawling up to his bed, Kirby cast one more look to the plastic plant, who had had its fallen leaf taped back on neatly.

"Well, g'night, Bob!"


	8. Breaking of Walls

**19 June 2015**

 _"This is a terrible stereotype I should never write it_ — _"_

 _I went really far with that thought, as you can see. Reeeaaaally far. Really!_

* * *

08\. Breaking  


 _of something that is very commonly broken.  
_

* * *

Kirby, once again, was at it.

You know, floating in the ocean like it wasn't a big deal and maybe floating to this island with an unknown tribe and then Kirby would have to either run away or single-handedly trounce all of them and then run away.

And Bandana Dee, head rife with thoughts of sharks and orcas and submerged carnivorous plants, had the sudden urge to coax Kirby into getting back on land. (Even though he couldn't. He still felt better knowing he tried, at least.)

"Tell the Great King I've got diarrhea!" Bandana Dee alerted the other waddle dee in the kitchen, and then bounced out of the window.

The other waddle dee stared out of the window. Then he shrugged, returning to the fridge.

Bandana Dee was glad he'd been on the second floor, because it meant a shorter journey. Less seconds of Kirby in danger. He snatched a ring float from one of the outdoor stands and sped towards the pink dot in the ocean.

Kirby didn't move much, but when Bandana Dee reached him, he had a very amused expression. "Hi," he greeted plainly, submerging half of his face for a moment to blow some bubbles. "Why're you speeding towards me at the speed of sound?"

"To get you to sleep where you're not targeted by things," Bandana Dee huffed. "Also, thank you for complimenting my speed."

"'Compliment'? Nah. That's kind of slow since I eat at mach fifty." Kirby waved it off, ignoring the more important bit Bandana Dee had mentioned.

"Liar," Bandana Dee sniffed. "Anyway, let's get back onto land first." Then he tugged on the pink puffball's wrist, and Kirby instinctively backflipped, breaking Bandana Dee's grip. " _Ugh_. Why are you so difficult to deal with?"

"Oh, you know, when I had my file selected, I chose easy mode! Oh, wait, but the games with my namesake don't really have modes, do they? Mm..." Kirby proceeded to blow bubbles underwater, frowning thoughtfully. Or what _appeared_ to be thoughtfully. One may never know.

Bandana Dee whapped Kirby on the head. " _Don't_ do that," he warned, sounding more scared than threatening. "There are great tales of what happens when one destroys _that_."

Kirby whined, puffing his cheeks childishly. "You can't tell me _not_ _to_! It's like... It's like the hole. In a doughnut. You can't just tell me to _eat_ around it."

"I don't know whether I should sigh or be impressed at the fact that most of your analogies are food-related."

"You should be impressed. It's a skill."


	9. Infiltration of Rooms

**20 June 2015**

 _This is... kind of trash. Because I'm tired. And tired people usually don't do things well.  
_

* * *

09\. Infiltration  


 _of a room of poor security.  
_

* * *

Ah, it felt good to be in his room alone.

Away from a certain food-obsessed pink puffball.

Bandana Dee wasn't saying he didn't enjoy Kirby's presence, but Kirby, in a phrase, was a ball of energy. He almost never tired out. And when he did, even when he was floating on top of water and trying to get some sleep, he still managed to somehow sass Bandana Dee out of everything.

So that day, he wouldn't be visiting Kirby.

Crawling onto the bed, Bandana Dee propped himself sideways and closed his eyes, prepared for some well-deserved sleep.

" _Hey_!"

Something barreled straight into him, and Bandana Dee choked out a shriek of some sort as he tumbled onto the floor with the infiltrator—oh god, _infiltrator_? There was an infiltrator?! Why?! This had never happened before!

His nerves were a wreck, and he blindly grabbed his spear that was propped up against his bed, then threw—

The infiltrator crashed _something_ into Bandana Dee's face, and it didn't slide off—it remained solid, covering his vision.

"That is a terrible greeting to your only friend who floated up six storeys just to see your ungrateful rear," the supposed "infiltrator" scoffed, and Bandana Dee's vision cleared again. Oh. It was Kirby's foot. ... _Ugh, gross_.

"Kirby, why are you... okay, never mind, I won't ask. _Use the front door next time!_ " Bandana Dee cried exasperatedly, before sighing and placing his spear back into its original position.

"You have a small room, Band-Aid," Kirby pointed out, magically teleporting to Bandana Dee's terribly small tale and poking at the stationery placed on it. "It's smaller than mine. But it's neater."

 _I don't think anything could be less neat than your room._ "Of course it's small," Bandana Dee scoffed, leaping onto his bed once again. Kirby mimicked his actions, and he rolled his eyes. "Minions don't usually get their own rooms, but I'm a commanding officer, so—"

"Really?! You're a commanding officer?" Kirby gasped, clapping his hands dramatically, making a big show out of it. "Wow! Good for you, Bandana Dee! I never knew you had it in you!"

" _Thanks_ ," Bandana Dee ground out. "Anyway, I wanted to rest for a bit, so can you give me some peace?"

Kirby grinned, leaping off the bed and onto the small stool. Bandana Dee expected an instant negative respond.

"Okay!" the pink puffball mock-saluted, before curling up (somehow) on the stool and closing his own eyes.

...Well, Kirby at least _did_ respect Bandana Dee's opinions. Sometimes. Kirby wasn't really rude, just not the most... eloquent (?) when doing things.

He would've been more polite if he hadn't taken a nap in Bandana Dee's room.


	10. Picnicking of the Halberd

**22 June 2015**

 _There wasn't any update yesterday because my internet was screwing with me.  
_

 _It still is. But less._

* * *

10\. Picnicking  


 _of the ship.  
_

* * *

Meta Knight possessed an unstoppable goal of power.

Why?

Because the game developers said so.

Everything that he'd done had gone off without a hitch, really. The formation of his crew, the building of the Halberd, fights against any potential enemies... everything had been going smoothly.

All right, _almost_ everything.

"Helloooo!"

There was a _thwang_ sound, and Meta Knight kept a tight grip on the hilt of his sword. Confront, then attack. Yes, that would be easy enough. He spun around, drawing his sword in the same motion, facing the fallen metal door and the intruder.

Kirby gripped a picnic basket in one hand and Axe Knight in the other.

"No need to get so feisty, Meta," Kirby drawled, plonking Axe Knight on the floor along with his picnic basket. "I got a fright when I heard you attacking, because I wasn't really prepared with my food and all. Why _are_ you attacking Dream Land?"

"I see no reason for me to inform you of something such as that," Meta Knight snapped.

"Oh. Well. Okay." What, he wasn't _interested_? Meta Knight felt a tinge of offence. Kirby sat down, next to the probably unconscious Axe Knight, and flipped open his picnic basket. "Well, since we're all here anyway, let's eat something."

At that point, Meta Knight wasn't really sure if Kirby was just plain naive or taunting him into battle.

"Taking a break in front of your final enemy? How foolish," Meta Knight snorted. "You will be dead by dusk."

Suddenly, Kirby perked up at Meta Knight's words. Had something in his lines bothered him? Ah, of course. It was probably the implication of his swift death, seeing as how it was already the late afternoon. Kirby's panic would be his downfall. After that, Meta Knight would complete his assault on Dream Land and it would be under his control. He would keep Kirby in an anti-puffball cell that he had the Meta-Knights make (since, well, _he_ was a puffball) and there would be no blind spots.

Squinting, the pink puffball slowly repeated, "...'Final enemy'?"

Did he realise the gravity of the situation? Good for him. "Of course. There is no one beyond me; don't you see?"

" _What_? Really? I thought you were just one of those smaller bosses along the way, y'know." Kirby sighed, stuffing the apple into his mouth.

"Why would you ever assume that?"

"I mean... you don't have the _air_ —" Kirby gestured to his surroundings "—of the final boss. Well, if you are, this is a pretty lame stage. And a lame boss. This is so underwhelming." Kirby shrugged. "Guess I'll continue eating."

If Meta Knight didn't have a grudge against Kirby before, he did then.


	11. Invitation of the Eager

**23 June 2015**

 _This was originally going to be longer, but I split the long chapter into two because it would've been terribly long otherwise.  
_

 _So the continuation of this chapter will be tomorrow, probably._

* * *

11\. Invitation  


 _of the enthusiastic puffball.  
_

* * *

Even after Kirby destroyed Meta Knight at fighting and forced said knight to flee, he _still_ felt very annoyed.

" _Bandana Dee_!" Kirby all but yelled into his phone, shocking the waddle dee on the other end.

"U-Um, yes, Kirby? You're at home, right? O-Or are you going to attack the castle?" Bandana Dee choked out quietly, trying not to gain attention from the other minions in the food court. Thankfully, no one seemed to notice, or bother, and Bandana Dee skedaddled to a quieter and secluded corner.

"Do you have a day off tomorrow?"

Was he _that_ bored again? Bandana Dee frowned, shaking his head even though Kirby couldn't see it. It was a habit. "Um... no. The day after, though. I have the later half-day off."

Kirby whistled over the phone. "Well, great! Then, mm... Do you think you can run all the way to White Wafers in an hour?"

" _What_?" Bandana Dee was convinced Kirby has lost his mind. "You're _insane_. No. I can't _run_ all the way there. Not in an hour. Definitely _not_."

"Aww... I didn't really want to bother 'em, but since things are like this..." Clicking his tongue, Kirby hummed briefly. "Okay! My friends will come over tomorrow in front of the castle to fetch you to White Wafers, then. Don't worry, they're fast. They need... a half hour, probably?"

The waddle dee sighed, attempting to ignore the strange looks the passers-by were giving him. Like, _screw_. Away. What was the big deal in calling someone? Bandana Dee usually didn't think that rudely towards others, but in the castle, according to status, they were technically _inferior_ to him. (Though, he sounded a little conceited, didn't he?)

"Who _are_ they? Have I even heard of them?"

"Psh, of course! If you didn't remember them, I think they'd be a little hurt. But then again, Band-Aid, you have a pretty terrible memory, huh? It took you about eight months to memorise the route to my house which you go to about every _week_ —"

"How do you remember _that_?"

"I, uh. Dunno. Maybe because I'm not you?"

At that moment, a waddle dee—Bandana Dee's friend, who is currently unimportant to the story and therefore his name will not be mentioned—jabbed Bandana Dee's side. "Uh, Bandana," he whispered, "I don't know if you're talking to your mum or what—"

 _Ha_. Kirby. Bandana Dee's _mum_.

"—but, uh, your spaghetti was left alone for a long time, like, a _really really_ long time, and it kind of was shoved over by a bronto burt, and the janitor got pissed, and then the bronto burt started defending himself and then there was a really short catfight before a bonkers jumped in to knock the bronto burt out so the fight would stop but then the bronto burt's friend's friend accused him of being a violent gorilla and then there was _another_ catfight and there was a food war between all the bonkers and all the bronto burts before that scary flaming lion came in and—"

Oh. Right. This was the castle. The castle was rife with idiots.

(Coming from a minion from the castle.)

"Well, bye, _Mum_ ," Bandana Dee said sarcastically, as an inside joke with himself.

" _What_? ' _Mum_ '? Listen up, young man—"


	12. Proper Picnicking of the Mountains

**25 June 2015**

 _Somewhere in some time zone I am still on time.  
_

 _Maybe double update if I have the time._

* * *

12\. Proper Picnicking  


 _of the mountains.  
_

* * *

"Kirby, I have _never_ met those strange _things_ before!" Bandana Dee accused, sneezing into his scarf, which was pretty gross, but there was little you could do on White Wafers.

"They're my capsule j friends! You _do_ know them!" Kirby retorted indignantly. "They kidnapped you once and brought you over to my house!"

"Oh god, it's _them_?"

"Yes, it's _them_. They owe me a huge debt, anyway." Kirby grinned in anticipation, and Bandana Dee found himself creeped out. "Okay, since we only have half a day, then we better do things fast!"

The waddle dee snatched a look at his surroundings. Nothing except for Kirby, the terrifying capsule js, and snow. And rocks. Completely devoid of any creature. Bandana Dee wouldn't have felt so afraid if he hadn't known that they were at _White Wafers_ —speaking of that, that were they even doing?

He looked back at where Kirby was and the pink puffball was unpacking his picnic basket.

"Kirby, _why_ are we having a _picnic_ in the _mountains_?!"

"What? You don't like picnics?" Kirby looked past Bandana Dee, where the five capsule js were standing in a huddle. "Or is it those capsule js? They're not gonna eat you, Band-Dand. Capsule js don't really like waddle dees. They're herbivores."

Exhaling, Bandana Dee watched his breath dissipate. "No, not _them_." Although they _did_ disturb him a bit. "This setting. In general. If you wanted a picnic you could've had it in one of the fields near your house, not up here, where it's _freezing_ and completely unfit to host a picnic!"

Seeing as how Kirby had already laid the mat and taken out most of his packed food, it didn't seem like he would be stopping anytime soon. The capsule js behind Bandana Dee waddled up to the mat and began eyeing the laid food like a bundle of cannibals.

"Band- _Aid_ , don't be so boring. It's called _experience_ ," Kirby said in a professional tone, though _Kirby_ and _professional_ never went together. "When you head back to the castle, you can brag about having a picnic in White Wafers all you like. In fact, did you bring one of those cameras? You should just take a bunch of polaroids to commemorate this unique event."

"It's _dangerous_ here. They're a gigantic _gorilla_ here that's said to snack on random tiny beings here every day," Bandana Dee warned, although his mental "do not argue with the Kirby, nothing will come out of it" note was kicking in.

"Oh, that's cool. Maybe it can be a boss."

"Kirby, this is creepy. Those capsule js don't even _talk_."

"They don't like you. They think you're really stiff."

Bandana Dee huffed and finally sat at the edge of the mat.


	13. Theory of the Knight

**25 June 2015**

 _Well, double update, so here is chapter thirteenteentenntn  
_

 _That means it's been two weeks this since started, right?_

* * *

13\. Theory  


 _of the knight.  
_

* * *

"I have a _theory_ ," Kirby announced as he scribbled nonchalantly on his notebook, "about Meta Knight."

"I don't _care_ about your _theories_ ," Bandana Dee bit back, seemingly still annoyed at the mountaintop picnic a few days ago. "Everything you say is mostly just plain garbage and if you gave me every sentence you've said in your life, I'd find some fault in it."

"Because you cavil at _everything_ I say!" Kirby whined. "But, no, it's _plausible_! Because, _because_ , Meta Knight's a mysterious figure, so even if we throw something like, _'his childhood was full of rainbows but it turns out they were moonbows and he was devastated and betrayed and decided to seek revenge'_ , all the readers can do is _accept_ it."

Bandana Dee flicked a stray leaf off of his foot. There was only _one_ tree next to Kirby's house, and _of course_ it decided to shed leaves on Bandana Dee.

"I said not to break it."

Pretending not to hear Bandana Dee, Kirby continued, "Anyway, so here's the thing: Meta Knight had this person in his childhood whom he was really close to—his sibling, his parents, his grandaunt, _whatever_ —and then one day they died, 'cause whatever. ...Wait, no, _not_ 'cause whatever! Someone from some evil organisation killed the close person, and Meta's super upset and depressed stuff, then he found out the evil organisation has a revival thing—"

"No, this theory is terrible. My ears are bleeding."

"—and now he's on a quest to get it to revive the what-have-you!" Kirby huffed at Bandana Dee's less-than-pleasing remark. "Hey, you know, it's better than him being a demon beast and then _defecting_."

"Oh my god, fourth wall—poor you. Your top-grade murderer seems to be enthusiastic about it today."

"Oh, please, 'top-grade murderer'?" Kirby scoffed, continuing his scribbling, which had degraded from intelligent quotes to the phrases, "dum-dumb band aids".

Bandana Dee silently observed Kirby for a while, mulling over some thoughts. Kirby didn't seem too impacted; Bandana Dee liked to suddenly shut up for an hour then suddenly talk about the fungi pizza he had the other day. Yeah, it was stupid. They were all stupid.

"Do you _actually_ think that?"

Oh, no fungi pizza? Or cooked penguins? "Hm? What?" Kirby prompted, glancing at curiously, yet never leaving his notebook.

"Like, um. The Meta Knight theory."

"Of course!"

"No, as in, _seriously_. As in the proper Kirby who does life-risking things." Bandana Dee hoped Kirby wasn't that much of a dullard, or the universe may not be able to depend on him much further.

Kirby slumped down against the outer wall of his house, and his insult-writing ceased, replaced with an unusually quick sketch of Pop Star.

"Of course not," the pink puffball snorted, and Bandana Dee immediately got the feeling that he was talking to a stranger. "I mean, if anyone _actually_ thought that, then I guess they really need to get a hold of their life and quit being so fluffy-headed."

"Er. Em. Okay." That was the only plausible answer Bandana Dee's brain could muster right then.

Kirby brightened suddenly and jumped to his feet. "And, actually, I bought a barbecue set, and I don't know how to use it and I threw away the instructions guide, but let's still use it!"

Bandana Dee hoped his close unnamed waddle dee friend would find his will on his nightstand later.


	14. Adventure of Weirdos

**26 June 2015**

 _I didn't even feel like updating today. My motivation felt like it was slapped by a sack of potatoes, and is currently recuperating in the ICU, and that's not very good at all.  
_

 _So it's a super short one today. This is actually how short I wanted the chapters to be when I started out, actually._

 _(Before you ask "which forest", it is a random forest. Before you ask "which random forest", there are many forests on Pop Star and we don't know all of them, do we? Noooo.)_

* * *

14\. Adventure  


 _of two completely lost blobs.  
_

* * *

Bandana Dee's sniffles didn't manage to catch Kirby's attention, unfortunately.

"I want to go back to the castle," the waddle dee whined, waving another mosquito away. "Ew, _gross_."

"You're _mad_! The forest is a nice place to have a super nice adventure!" Kirby cheered, skipping along the dirt path. "Don't be so boring, Bandana Dee. C'mon, expand your horizons!"

Rolling his eyes, Bandana Dee sighed and continued trudging behind the elated Kirby. He wondered why he was wasting his break with a mad pink puffball who was exploring a forest that he already knew like the back of his hand. There was just no end to some people's odd characteristics.

The forest looked like a nice place on the outside, but once you stepped in, it was like, he didn't know, insect wildfire. _Literally_. You turn right? _Insects_. You turn left? _Insects_. You look up? _Insects._ You look down? _Caterpillars on your feet._

"It's probably dangerous here, _even_ if you've been here one million times. It doesn't guarantee our safety," Bandana Dee scoffed, shuddering. He wouldn't have had been so bothered about the insects if they didn't want to bite him and tear off his flesh and eat them for tea time every few seconds.

"The most dangerous things here are carnivorous plants, and they can't move very far. They can eat cows in one bite, but the ones I know here are friendly!"

Bandana Dee hoped that one of the insects which bit him was poisonous and he would die by poisoning and would not be eaten alive by a gigantic carnivorous plant.


	15. Sister of Bob

**27 June 2015**

 _Before anyone questions the ending, let me just give you a footnote that while these are mostly trashy no-brainers, I do have a very good idea of the ending and I do have to write those kinds of stuffs.  
_

 _Whatever you'll just get the idea in the end._

 _Also Cos' review(s) have reminded me_ — _this takes place pre-Return to Dream Land.  
_

* * *

15\. Sister  


 _of something completely fake.  
_

* * *

"Dedede!"

The king choked on his instant noodles and spun his chair around to face the pink puffball. " _What are you doing here?!_ The guards were blocking the front gate and I told them not to let you through!"

"It's a new method," Kirby laughed, "called the back gate." He plopped the item he was holding—a potted plant. "Anyway, you haven't been up to anything bad lately, so here's a very much heartfelt gift from yours truly!"

"I don't want your stupid plant!"

"It's not carnivorous!"

Dedede slapped the intercom on the armrest of the chair. "You! Idiots! Kirby is in my rest room!"

"Y-Your restroom?!" The voice on the other side seemed vaguely surprised.

"The room where I take breaks! The rest room!"

"Isn't that the toi—"

" _Step on it_!"

Kirby tilted his head and when he saw that Dedede's attention was back at him, he grinned. "Well, anyway, as I said, the present! You broke your record of sixteen days of not doing anything evil so I brought you Bob's sister, Larry."

Eye twitching, Dedede stared down at the plant. "Larry's a guy's name, ya dum."

"...No, like, it's okay, Dedede. You don't have to try so hard to sound smart."

" _Are you even listening to me?!_ "

"Anyway, this is Larry, Bob's sister," Kirby continued, pushing the plant towards the king. "I think it's a magnificent gift, if I do say so myself. I slaved over the thought of a gift for hours."

Scoffing, Dedede chewed on another mouthful of instant noodles. Kirby hummed, filling up the silence. "You thought about it for hours and came to the conclusion of a _plant_?"

"A _fake_ plant." Even _more_ thoughtful. Wow. "And, no, that's not what I said. Larry being a gift was set from the start, but I wasn't sure whether you're worth Larry or not. But then, like, I realised it's a bestie matching thing!"

"This sounds stupid."

"No, I have Bob, you have Larry, _matching_ fake plants! You know, the bestie matching thing! It's kind of gross, but it's kind of cool!" Kirby grinned, sliding "Larry" in front even more.

The door to the room finally flung open, and Dedede threw a look at it expectantly while Kirby curiously looked behind. A group of waddle dees armed with spears blocked the pathway, eyes trained on Kirby.

"Hiya!" Kirby greeted, not at all anxious of the fact that his only route out was thrown out of the window. Or door, or whatever.

"What took you so long?!" Dedede barked. "Get him now!"

The probable leader of the group stepped out. "Um, you said you were in your _restroom_ , Your—"

" _Get him now!_ "

The probable leader glanced back at Kirby, and he lowered his spear, threatening Kirby with its tip. The rest of the group followed, completely in sync, and Kirby admired the small spear show and wondered, _Haha, they're all for show, right?_

"You have no means of escape," the probable leader (with lack of a better title) sneered. "There are flying guards outside these walls. Surrender now or face the threat of being hurt."

"Oh, _friend_ ," Kirby said, mocking an exasperated mother, "you have much to learn. You see, in a platformer, there _is_ no option of surrendering. It's either forward, or backwards. Most of the time, there isn't much of a point going backwards, so."

"Cease your nonsensical blabbering—"

"Just _get him_ already!" Dedede roared, although he remained stationary at his seat, probably unarmed and left his hammer in his actual restroom.

Kirby sighed, then shrugged, rocking back and forth on his heels. "Well, I've always wanted to try and be Mario."

The probable leader was about to make another fancy-sounding question when Kirby cannon-balled up above them, and the probable leader's eyes followed the pink stripe down until he was dancing on top of the waddle dees, who, in a blind confusion, somehow did not make use of their spears.

" _Let's-a go!_ " Kirby laughed as he reached the end, before frowning. "No, no, I got the tone all wrong! Ugh..."

As Kirby floated off, presumably back to his home, Dedede chewed his useless guards out for the next half hour, and after they left, he picked up the fake plant ("Louise"? "Liam"?) and glared at it like it had just murdered his whole family simply because.

He found himself keeping it by the nightstand, though.


	16. Bullying of Flowers

**30 June 2015**

 _No update for two days? WHy? hOw?_

 _Because._

 _I may or may not do double/triple update. It depends._

* * *

16\. Bullying  


 _of an enemy that really didn't deserve that fate.  
_

* * *

"He's a _bully_."

"Oh my goodness!" Kirby gasped in mock shock, lifting his hands from where he was knitting to cover his mouth. "The all-bulliable, peace-loving Bandana Dee has had an encounter with a _bully_! Oh, stars, _whatever_ shall we do? Quick, child, pray to the gods that our deaths will be swift and painless!"

" _Kirby_ ," Bandana Dee scoffed, folding his arms. "Okay, no, he's not a bully. He's just... annoying. A nuisance. I just wanna get back at him for all the times he's annoyed me. But I haven't fallen into depression and started chopping my arms off. Not yet."

The pink puffball dropped his hands, resuming his knitting. "Erm, 'kay. That's a good thought for you and all, Band-Aid. Go get back at him!"

Hesitantly, Bandana Dee shook his head. Kirby didn't seem to be interested in that action, humming and focusing on his pink and white... thing.

"Um, I'm no good at bullying," Bandana Dee finally said lamely.

Choking like it was a very surprising piece of news, Kirby narrowed his eyes at the waddle dee who sat on the grass idly. "You. No good at bullying. Ah, well, I should have expected that. Bulliable people tend to not dabble in areas of self-defence."

" _Bullying_ is not a form of self-defence," Bandana Dee defended. "Anyway, I don't really, um, want to bully him. Like... just annoy him. Piss him off. But nothing serious. And no taking of lunch money or whatever."

Kirby's eyes could've practically _sparkled_. "And, and, and! You're asking _me_ , Band-Aid? I feel really honoured!"

"Really sounds like you are," Bandana Dee said sarcastically.

"I am! ...But it's a _flower_ we're talking about here, right?"

Saying that, Bandana Dee felt like he died a little more inside. I mean, that sounded _pathetic_. Walk up to one of your quite-close friends and tell them, _"I'm being picked on by a talking flower, and it's not a carnivorous plant."_ You would feel quite like a bully freebie. _Really_.

"It's a _talking_ flower," Bandana Dee corrected.

"Oh! One of those... um, it's called a 'lovely', right?"

A _lovely_. A flower by the species name of _lovely_ which was _picking_ on you. Bandana Dee's ego would need more than a couple of band-aids to be fixed.

...

Oh. No.

Did he just say that?

"If it's a lovely," Kirby said, completely ignoring Bandana Dee, who was in another one of those inner wars of self-destruction, "then I know what _really_ pisses them off! They don't like spicy things. Peppery things. Hot things. Those kinds of stuff."

The waddle dee blinked. If flowers-things hated those sort of things... that wasn't really surprising, right? Bandana Dee didn't really like those himself. (He was _not_ a plant, though. Never.)

"So? Um, what do you suggest?"

Kirby leaned over, seemingly thoughtful, not caring about his half-knitted... object thing.

"I think I have some wasabi..? And ghost peppers, that'll do. Oh, mustard—they _hate_ mustard. Dunno why, but mustard it is. So, you see, those flowers actually have _noses_ , but it's really _weird_. Their noses are on their stalks. So, let's just stick mustard and wasabi up their noses, and throw ghost peppers into their mouth, and—"

Bandana Dee was henceforth convinced Kirby was a secret terrorist.


	17. Invasion of the Halbeard

**2 July 2015**

 _If you're a bad author who NEVER UPDATES FANFCITIONS CLAP YOUR HANDS (clAP CLAP)  
_ _If you're a bad author who NEVER UPDATES FANFICTIONS CLAP YOUR HANDS (clAP CLAP)  
IF YOU'RE A BAD AUTHOR WHO NEVER UPDATES FANFICTIONS AND YOU REALLY WANAN SHOW IT IF YOU'RE A BAD AUTHOR WHO NEVER UPDATES FANFICTIONS CLAP YOUR HANDS (CAP CLAP DUN_)  
_

 _It's July 2015 and I am still writing 2013 on worksheets, I am moving a trillion times slower than a snail._

 _This was, again, intended to be a longer chapter but I split it up into two. Expect knights of low-grade easily-destroyed masks.  
And this chapter is less of random trash to make up for the absolute trashiness for the next chapter._

* * *

17\. Invasion  


 _of a very sad ship.  
_

* * *

So it started off like this:

"Hey, Kirby, what do you want to be when you grow up? Like, apart from a hero?"

"Dunno, really. Since I'm out kicking butt I don't really have anything else to be apart from a farmer. Limited jobs." A pause. "But I guess I wanted to be a pilot or a sailor or something like that."

The next was Bandana Dee's mistake. "Oh. Huh. A sailor, huh? Reminds me of Sailor Dee. You know, Meta Knight's crew.

And then a long stare.

"Bandana Dee, you're a _genius_ when you're not getting picked on by flowers!" Kirby exclaimed, all elated and everything, kicking aside something he would call an MM. (Bandana Dee was initially confused at that, although he later guessed it stood for "Meta Minion". Hopefully.)

"You don't need to _bring_ that _up_!" Bandana Dee snapped, guarding himself with his spear although there wasn't really anything to guard against, because Kirby was in front and leading and taking out all the trash.

"Yeah, I know! Last chapter business, and stuff." Kirby made a sound that Bandana Dee wasn't quite sure what he was doing, but it sounded like he was laughing through his nose. You know, if he had a nose. Bandana Dee got a brain failure whenever he thought about biology. "How did you know the Halbeard had landed, though? It's pretty useful! I could pilot a ship—"

"No, no you cannot!" Bandana Dee proceeded to create a strangled noise from his throat to display his disagreement. "And, uh, it's called the _Halberd_ , not the Halbeard. I was on for watch-out duty and just noticed it was grounded there and... not doing anything."

Kirby seemed to just ignore Bandana Dee's explanation of his findings of the Halberd. Okay, not _seemed to_ —he _did_ ignore Bandana Dee. It got the waddle dee kind of pissed, and he huffed, but didn't say anything about it. After all, arguing with Kirby was like arguing with a pole. Never worked out.

"I have to be back in the castle in three hours," Bandana Dee warned, cautiously following Kirby.

Another snort. "Not like they even know if you're missing."

"It's still my responsibility."

"If all you're gonna do is hold your _responsibilities_ , that's pretty crappy, you know. Like, it's boring. It's good to keep up with your responsa—responsibility and all, but like, these ones are _redundant_. You don't even get paid for half the work you're doing."

Although lighthearted, Bandana Dee grudgingly understood and accepted what Kirby meant. Sure, the puffball could (pretend to) be a huge idiot at times, but at least he made sense at other times to compensate.

Not like Bandana Dee would ever say that, of course, so instead, he just went with, "You're so irresponsible."

Kirby puffed his cheeks. "Rude," he replied indignantly, but Bandana Dee felt like he saw right through him.

"Why did you want to become a pilot?" Bandana Dee knew he was very smooth at changing topics. You don't have to say anything about it.

"Dunno! I wanted to become a bird when I was younger, actually—I still am young!—but like, he told me I couldn't, so I guess I looked at actual occupations instead."

A _bird_. "'He'?" Bandana Dee echoed, prompting Kirby for an answer.

"Yeah! And, you know, a pilot's the closest thing to being a bird. So, pilot. But swimming is cool too, so I don't mind being a sailor. Or a gardener!"

Kirby's avoid at Bandana Dee was pretty much obvious, but Bandana Dee was unfortunately sensitive, so he zipped his mouth on it. He was also incredibly awkward. And weird. No conversational skills whatsoever. Or at least, that's what he thought he was. He thought it was a pretty accurate description.

("Bandana Dee runs so far with his thoughts," Kirby snickers from behind the wall of fours.)

"Wait, a _gardener_?"

"It's a result from my love and hate of carnivorous plants."


	18. Mental Torture of the Sad Enemy

**5 July 2015**

 _Should I just update on alternate days  
_

 _Because after school has started I am not feeling the it._

* * *

18\. Mental Torture  


 _of a sad arch enemy that isn't really an arch enemy.  
_

* * *

" _Meta_!" Kirby squealed.

Bandana Dee hadn't even noticed they had reached one of the deepest parts of the Halberds. Where, exactly? He didn't know. He hadn't _noticed_ , you know, so don't expect him to know.

"What was the surprise invasion for?" the other puffball demanded. "I have taken no action against you or Dream Land, neither am I even planning any. And you took down three-quarters of my troops?"

"'Unforgivable!'" Kirby dramatically finished for the knight. "Well, you see, since we're gonna be best buddies in the future—"

"We will never be what you claim to be 'best buddies'."

"Yeah, right. You know, that's like a death flag for you. Kind of. It's gonna happen once you say that. It's story stereotypical logic." Kirby pulled his mouth into his big, signature grin. "Anyway, I wanted to ask some stuff!"

Maybe it was a good thing Kirby was usually straightforward with what he wanted. Or maybe it was bad. Things really depended on the entire situation, Bandana Dee supposed.

"Answers," Meta Knight snorted. "Of course. Answers. Well, before I knock you and that orange blob at the back off the ship, I suppose I'll indulge myself in your questions."

 _He did not just call me an orange blob._

"You must've had childhood friendship problems if you talked like that," Kirby deduced, saying things like he was _trying_ to get Meta Knight annoyed. If he was, good for him, because Meta Knight looked like he was going to butcher the pink puffball and go to the nearest food court and hang his carcass up with a sign, "FREE KIRBY MEAT".

" _Questions_ ," Meta Knight ground out, repeating words, annoyed.

"You _want_ me to ask questions? You must really want friends, then!" Kirby happily exclaimed, seemingly innocently, although Bandana Dee the Bystander knew it was anything _but_. "Okay! Um... why do you wanna take over Dream Land so badly?"

The knight laughed. Or something that sounded like a laugh. Bandana Dee could never tell with Meta Knight. "Mysterious" was too much of a fancy word, more like... more like... _weirdo_.

"That is a simple answer—"

"So someone close to you really did die!"

Meta Knight was unfortunately not as accustomed to Kirby's nonsense as much as Bandana Dee was, and beneath his mask, frowned in utter bewilderment.

"Lowly servants die, but they are never close—"

"And the evil organisation who killed them does have a revive!"

"No one was killed, and I am facing no 'evil organisation'—"

"And you _are_ trying to get the revive!"

The knight did not even manage to come up with a suitable snappish reply to that, and instead stared at Kirby for the longest time, with Kirby bouncing on his feet like he hadn't just spouted out the worst theory ever.

Bandana Dee cleared his throat. "Sorry you had to hear that."

Scoffing, Kirby spun on his heel to face the waddle dee and mocked the action of zipping his mouth. " _Shush_! Have you _heard_ those terrible theories of Meta Knight being a _demon beast_?! A _faulty demon beast_?! Get off the anime! The show had so many flaws, _plus_ , who ever said watermelons are my favourite food?! They're _not_! Tomatoes are! And then there are those who mix the game and the anime together, but _no_ , you can't do that, I mean, I don't go around looking like an idiot saying 'poyo'! I can _talk_! And Meta Knight's role in the games and the anime are so different—"

"You've managed to completely obliterate the poor wall," Bandana Dee interrupts, casting a glance towards Meta Knight, who seemed in no condition to absorb Kirby's words, much less talk. Of course. No one got used to Kirby's infamous Speech of Nonsense of Pseudo-Wikipedia Babbles in the blink of an eye.

Kirby laughed through his nose, but it seemed more spiteful than anything. (Though, knowing Kirby, it was probably all just an act.) Meta Knight remained motionless, paralysed in his position, ever since Kirby started even talking.

"And the anime isn't _that_ bad."

"You know you don't even exist there? You're replaced by a waddle doo."

"Crap, that's a trash anime. Why do people watch it? It's redundant to anything's existence and I don't know how the show would make anyone any profit at all."

"I," Meta Knight, who had apparently recovered by some bit, began, "did not have anyone close to me die. And I am not looking for any revive of any sort. It is simply that I have many rivals who are out for my throat—"

"Pft, _throat_!" Kirby crowed.

"—and must therefore defend myself. I also possess the aim of ridding my rivals of the world—"

Halfway through, Kirby tossed a glance towards Bandana Dee. The waddle dee was sitting on the floor, redoing his bandana rather innocently. (Well, of course, the poor thing wasn't really involved in the two's bickering.)

"Actually, Bandana Dee," Kirby said loudly in front of Meta Knight, "this guy's backstory is actually pretty plain for a villain's so I think we can leave now."

" _Great_. My shift starts in an hour—wait, Meta Knight hasn't finished his backstory yet."

The pink puffball tapped his chin, looking at Meta Knight thoughtfully, before shaking his head. "Nah, my games aren't the plot type."


	19. Planning of Trips

**6 July 2015**

 _Warning: I know nothing about Pop Star's geography I don't know where or what Dream Land is supposed to be I don't know whether there's more water in Nutty Noon or Cookie Country I don't know  
_

 _Basically 90% of what I describe as Pop Star's geography is most likely trash-talking. Not canon. Never the geographical canon. Nononono._

 _(This is another one of those two-parters.)_

* * *

19\. Planning  


 _of a swimming trip that's bound to be a failure the moment it was thought of.  
_

* * *

Bandana Dee had his annual week off and Kirby all but _jumped_ at the opportunity.

"We're going _swimming_!" Kirby yelped over the phone in what Bandana Dee assumed was glee and enthusiasm. Although once Bandana Dee heard that, he felt like he sank like a rock even though they were nowhere near water.

He hate swimming. No swimming. Oh, no, _please_ —Kirby had coerced him into doing many things, but swimming had not come by, and Bandana Dee had hoped it would never come by. It wasn't anything big, really. Bandana Dee just had this natural fear of water that didn't really come from anywhere.

"What—no—I don't—I want to visit my relatives." It was a reasonable excuse, Bandana Dee would like to think. He didn't really see any of his relatives apart from his younger brother who worked in the castle too whom he saw about never. Plus, Bandana Dee _did_ visit his parents over the annual week off, and Kirby most probably knew that. Though he only visited for three days. Bandana Dee hoped Kirby didn't know _that_.

Sniffles over the phone were heard, and then some shuffling, and then a laugh. "But you mum can only keep you for three days, right? So you have four free days, and then we're gonna go—"

Oh no. Oh no no no no no _no_.

Kirby was too clever for his own good—

Wait, no, that wasn't being _clever_! That was being a _stalker_! How did Kirby know? Bandana Dee hardly disclosed that kind of information to anybody!

Bandana Dee would've ground on his own teeth if he could confirm they existed. "Not just my parents, you know. My grandparents. Cousins. Others."

More shuffling. "Um, all your other relatives live on Floria."

"Do you have _stalker cards_ in your house?!"

"Uh, no, it's the script. You know, for the chapter. For the sake of plot progression, because I'm not actually a stalker."

The waddle dee held his breath and contemplated hanging up and lying on his bed and moping about life for the next four hours. Yeah, that sounded nice. Then when he got back up he'd get himself a cup of heated iced lemonade.

Wait, no, that wasn't right—

"Anyway, I'll get those capsule js to pick you up whenever!"

"Kirby, _no_! Not them!"

Kirby scoffed and a final rustle of something was heard over the speaker. "They won't attack you. They say they don't like waddle dees. Or waddle doos. They like elemental stuff better."

"They're _carnivorous_?"

"Omnivorous, actually! See? It's better than my friendly big, big carnivorous plant picking you up, right?"


	20. Swimming of Onions

**8 July 2015**

 _This took an hour and a half to write._

 _It is sadly pathetic._

* * *

20\. Swimming  


 _of an ocean that plants one too many onions for its own good.  
_

* * *

"Do I really have to?"

"Have to what?"

"Do. This. _Swimming_. Thing."

Kirby, loaded with a bag twice his size, full of god-knows-what, shrugged with ease despite the monster on his shoulders. "In case your float fails you one day and I'm napping in the ocean, maybe? You'll never know!"

Bandana Dee, carrying nothing but a float, spear attached to his back, sighed in exasperation and tried not to stare at the capsule js following them down the route towards Onion Ocean. The seven of them had swung by the castle and held up a timer which read ten seconds and Bandana Dee had been conveniently keeping away his float and he had no clue what they meant until they hoisted him by his foot and carried him all the way to Onion Ocean.

Well, _near_ Onion Ocean. Kirby had decided to wait at a disastrously far location (okay, not really. But they had to _walk_ and that was enough discouragement) and insisted the _stroll_ would be a _nice warm-up exercise_ and Bandana Dee felt like he just got smacked by a sack of rocks.

"That should be enough—" Bandana Dee searched for the word "— _motivation_ for you to stop sleeping out in the ocean. Your friend could get targeted by sharks."

"Are you _still_ on the sharks thing? Do you wanna know something about the sharks? They're _terrified_ of the colour pink, okay? Don't even ask me why, 'cause I'm not a shark."

Scoffing, the waddle dee didn't believe a single bit of it. "How do I know you're not just lying to make sure I get off your case?"

Kirby shrugged once again. "Er, you don't."

"I have the feeling you're the best-est friend anyone could have."

"I am!"

Kirby laughed, dropped his thousand-ton bag and lunged forward, and Bandana Dee was surprised (and horrified) to find that they had already ended up at The Shore. Which was Onion Ocean's most-used shore entrance. And it wasn't officially named The Shore, but enough people were using it for it to be recognised.

Obviously searching and clinging onto any reason to not swim, Bandana Dee spun on his heels to face the capsule js. He didn't particularly like them, but looking for an excuse was affordable in that situation.

And of course they conveniently brought cards.

"You're supposed to be swimming, too," Bandana Dee snapped. Okay, maybe they _weren't_ , but if they were a way to wriggle out of it, he'd have to sound pushy. And bossy. Maybe. Just a little.

"Don't be duuuumb," Kirby drawled from where he was doing his starfish-shaped floating, as usual. "They're no good with swimming! Gets into their jets, and stuff. And you know, the water isn't acid, and it's pretty shallow! So _you_ come swim!"

One of the capsule js laughed. They didn't make any sound, but the shape of their eye was enough for the telltale signs.

And it pissed Bandana Dee off to no end, obviously.

"Um, can I _not_ get in there? I know you're an enthusiast when it comes to swimming—"

"I am an enthusiast when it comes to _everything_!"

"—but I don't like it. Nope, nope. I'll just, um, watch over your stuff, or something." Bandana Dee laughed nervously and sat himself down next to the mountain for a bag and leaned over his float, watching Kirby in anticipation. Because, you know, Kirby was bound to do something.

The pink puffball blew bubbles in the water, and Bandana Dee inched himself a little further away from the water. Why was he backing away from the liquid like there was a gooey skeletal killer whale in it, ready to lunge? Was it any childhood trauma?

Nah, it's just one of those natural fears you get just because you do. Don't think too far.

Bandana Dee observed Kirby for the next few moments, and the pink puffball suddenly obtained a very sneaky look.

"Duuuu!" he called, and Bandana Dee had no idea who he was addressing. "Kick him in!"

Without much time to register, Bandana Dee felt something on his back—a force, a _push_ , and then he was sent flying towards—

Ohhhhhhh. _No_.

"Ican'tswimyoudastardlydisgusting—" Bandana Dee hurled out in a flurry of panic, flailing because, friend, _friend_ , you can't just kick someone who has a fear of water _into_ the water. It's kinda rude.

Outside the waddle dee's (brainless) gurgles, Kirby laughed. "Nice job, Du!" He clapped his hands. "Um, Band-Aid, you can do my starfish trick! It works for you, too, I think."

"Y—pfh—you _think_?!"

"Hey, don't worry! If you die, I'll bring your nice float to your coffin!"


	21. Disrespect of Privacy

**9 July 2015**

 _I didn't give Dedede as much lines as I would've for this_ — _he's groggy. And sleepy. I don't think he's in the mood to run his mouth.  
_

* * *

21\. Disrespect  


 _of privacy which kind of happens all the time nowadays.  
_

* * *

It felt like a long day to everyone working within the castle.

Particularly because a very bold, very heroic, very stupid terrorist decided it would be a good idea to start off with the castle.

It was only by chance Bandana Dee's Unnamed Friend had detected the Smell of Upcoming Death, and when he announced it, all suspicion fell on the very bold, very heroic, very stupid terrorist, who was masquerading as a newly-joined minion. The chefs, not very practised in that sort of field, panicked for a split second before going after the very bold, very heroic, very stupid terrorist with pots and pans fresh off the stoves, which might or might not have been a very good idea. Bandana Dee's Unnamed Friend thought it was a good idea, though. They were heated up, right? More pain, right?

Yeah, it was kind of a really long day.

Dedede thought he would hit the hay early.

He shuffled over to his enormous bed in his slippers—no, really, the bed really _was_ enormous. He only took up a fifth of it. Why the heck did it need to be so big? Untwisting the cap of the water bottle some random minion refilled for him every evening, Dedede snatched a glance at his nightstand.

Larry sat eagerly on top of it.

"Oh my gosh, you _kept_ her!" exclaimed a very familiar, very annoying voice. Dedede spun around, a little clumsily, meeting the sight of Kirby swinging through the open window.

Dedede ground his teeth together. "You! Get out! And I _closed_ my window!"

"Uh, yeah, apparently. But you never _locked_ it, so."

Nope, the self-invitation was a little too much for the king to handle at the moment. While he processed it, and hoped to glare Kirby out of the window, the pink puffball strode past Dedede and stopped in front of the nightstand, pulling the fake plant over so it was teetering precariously over the edge. Kirby didn't seem at all fazed, though.

After a moment of silence, Dedede managed to reshape his bewilderment into anger, clenching his fists in front of him threateningly. "Look, you get outta my place or _I_ get you out of my place."

Kirby spun around and rolled his eyes. Then he brightened up again, once of those highly dangerous mischievous glints in his eyes. "Well, hey, I don't see _your name_ stuck on anything here, so stuff it!"

"That's not even— _everyone_ knows this is my castle!"

"Oh, uh. You're excluding me out of that 'everyone', right?"

Dedede's building annoyance seemed to amuse Kirby, and the pink puffball whistled and jumped onto his bed. Which, anywhere else, was a serious offence. Dedede didn't really pay much attention to anything associated with the word "royal", though.

But the thought of his enemy doing what he liked in _his_ room casually annoyed him.

"Get off!" he barked, taking a big step forward, to, you know, in case he needed to _talk with his fists_.

"Yeah. Your bed's so soft and gross." Kirby mocked a gag, and jumped off, landing soundlessly. "Anyway, glad to see Larry's still around! You're pretending to water him, right?"

"Wha—"

"You know, if you don't pretend to water fake plants, they'll die! Just like Bob did." Kirby fell into silence for about two seconds, as if he was reminiscing. "I performed my revival ritual on him, though. But I don't think you can do it, so keep Larry safe."

"'Reviving'—"

"You can take an empty watering can and just pretend to tip it over, you know! Larry won't die like that." Kirby blinked, tilting his head. "Or, I hope so. If he does, I'll revive her, anyway, so it's okay!"

(Kirby took a note that he referred to Larry as two different genders and laughed at himself.)

Listening to Kirby rattle off—listening to _anyone_ rattle off—just pissed Dedede off and he swung his hands in a tantrum, water spilling from where he was carrying the uncapped water bottle the whole time in one hand.

" _GET OU_ _T_!"

"Yeah, that's a good idea, I'm kind of hung—"

Dedede haphazardly swung at the pink puffball, who agilely dodged with a laugh—he liked laughing a lot—and flounced over to the window. It wouldn't even take a brainless duck to figure out Dedede was _hopping mad_ , but Kirby seemed pretty flippant about it.

"Okay, bye-bye! I'll terrorise you another time!" Kirby grinned, jumping out of the window and snorting out some catchphrase of some other hero in the Nintendo franchise.


	22. Trip of Floria

**13 July 2015**

 _No update for 4 days._ _  
_

 _Best Author Awards._

 _Also I'm not very motivated sooooo yes crap chapter._

* * *

22\. Trip  


 _of Floria with the intention of carnivorous things.  
_

* * *

Bandana Dee hadn't seen Kirby in two weeks and he feared the worst.

"Kirby!" Bandana Dee exclaimed before he even flung open the door. When he did, he continued, "Sorry I haven't visited in a while, the castle got an attack of diarrhea and I wasn't a vic—"

Kirby was nowhere to be seen.

Blinking once, twice, Bandana Dee was positive his eyes were... uh, um—playing tricks on him. The interior was in its normal, messy order like it went to hell and back. You know, normal things. His bed, the only thing Kirby ever tried tidying, was sloppily made. Bob was—

" _Achoo_!" Bandana Dee sneezed.

Oops, wasn't expecting that.

Instinctively, he marched over to the tissue box, sneezed again, and ripped a sheet out and blew his nose. And sneezed again. Man, of all times his nose decided to act up. It wasn't cold, so must've been the dust—

"Oh, Band-Aid! Great thing you came! Nice timing. You can help me unpack my stuff."

Bandana Dee whipped around and decided that shrieking would be a very appropriate reaction to the mountain of suitcases behind the pink puffball.

" _Kirby_! Where on Pop Star did you—"

"Actually, I wasn't on Pop Star for the last week and a half!" Kirby cheered, dragging half of the monsters in with him. "I went to Floria to visit one of Bob's cousins, Cheesepoo. He's a carnivorous plant! I found out they don't like waddle dees. 'Tastes like rubber.'"

"' _Cheesepoo_ '?"

"I know I've got fantastic naming skills, Band. You don't have to repeat it."

"No, it's—" Bandana Dee reminded himself the 'do not argue with Kirb' note. He shuffled over to Kirby's bed and plonked himself down on it while Kirby flipped open his suitcases and threw everything inside. "What did you do there? Apart from meeting... um. Cheesepoo."

Bouncing up from his work, Kirby frowned and tilted his head like he was actually putting some thought into it. Which was extremely rare, for those who haven't got any experience with Kirby. The only time he tried was when it was food-involved or world-saving-involved.

"Um... met Cheesepoo... I... got a lot of souvenirs?"

" _Is that a slingshot_? Do you even know how to use one?"

Kirby shrugged. "Dunno. It just looks pretty against the wall."

"You'll never use it, you know."

"What you just said is some sort of death flag, you know. I might just use it to defeat Dedede someday."


	23. Growth of Fungi

**20 July 2015**

 _IT;S BEEN A WEEK_

 _And I still have no idea what to write. It's the time of the no-motivation-or-inspiration. Happens often._

* * *

23\. Growth  


 _of fungi in an extraordinary place.  
_

* * *

"So, a while back," Kirby began, playing with his tweezers, "Bob got lonely."

Bandana Dee really did enjoy visiting Kirby (that statement is completely questionable), but it did get long sometimes, so he started packing food along with him. It didn't take long for Kirby to invent a new way of torturing Bandana Dee and began to scarf down half of it, though. Kirby was really into his presentation that day, so Bandana Dee could eat his sandwich in peace.

Yes, Bandana Dee wasn't listening to Kirby at all.

"'Cause Larry left!" Kirby exclaimed, gesturing to a torn and tattered poster of another plastic plant on his wall. "And, recently, I've been away from the house and Bob's gotten lonely as a result. So I decided Bob needed a new friend."

"Well, that's swell," Bandana Dee mumbled. He wasn't disinterested, since every time he visited Kirby had something odd to present one way or another, but everything Kirby did was weird and it was not advised to encourage him.

The pink puffball frowned, swinging his legs, which wasn't a very good idea considering the chair was creaking. Everything in Kirby's house was somehow dangerous. It was the Touch of Kirby.

"I hope that was sarcastic, Band-Aid, 'cause if it wasn't, I'll tape you to the wall and you can talk to Bob. That way he'll have _two_ new friends."

"Oh. Uh. No, thank you. I was being sarcastic. Completely sarcastic, you know."

Whether Kirby bought it or not was a stupid question—he obviously didn't. Kirby being Kirby didn't say anything about it, but approached his lamps with his tweezers. Bandana Dee watched while the pink puffball did.

"So I got this brilliant plan that my lamp was lonely, too, so I decided to grow the new friend _on_ the lamp." Kirby prodded at the lamp, and Bandana Dee caught a glimpse of bright red, but nothing else. "At first, logic would say that this action is completely impossible—I mean, it's a _lamp_. But then again, this is Dream Land where potatoes can fly and carnivorous plants dabble in vegetarian delights, so—"

"Those have _never_ happened," Bandana Dee interjects. Kirby throws him an annoyed look. "Dream Land _is_ where strange things occur but potatoes _cannot_ fly and I don't think carnivorous plants dabble in vegetarian delights if you're so scared of them."

"I know that, but _shush_. I actually sounded smart for a minute, you know!" Bandana Dee rolled his eyes, but said nothing. "So I grew a _toadstool_ on my lamp! I'm pretty amazing, right? At first it's impossible, but these are _Dream Land toadstools_. They don't need the dark to grow. I just sprayed some water here and there every day and it just appeared two days ago! It's small right now, but it'll grow. Probably."

"I am—" There were times Bandana Dee wasn't very sure of himself around Kirby, but when the pink puffball went on about those sort of things, he had little tolerance. "That's _impossible_."

"'Impossible' spells 'I'm possible'. It's a popular inspirational quote. Learn it." Kirby jabbed at the toadstool flippantly, before turning away and striding over to the sink and threw the tweezers in, landing with a _CLANG_. Bandana Dee flinched a little. "I invested a lot of points in my special stat!"

Bandana Dee had one more look at the toadstool while Kirby flipped open a book about who-knows-what. The waddle dee wasn't really good with fungi, but it looked healthy, at least. Kirby might have more than a few screws loose but he did know how to grow crops.

"...That's not even what 'special stat' in games mean. Oh my gosh. I don't even care about _that_ breaking thing anymore."

"Glad to know!" Kirby whistled. "Say, why do you use 'gosh', anyway?"

"You do too."

"That's 'cause I'm _vulgar_."

Huffing, Bandana Dee rolled his eyes again. "It's too offensive to say 'God', you know, so it's 'gosh' instead. Don't you know that?"

"Yeah, I do! I use 'gosh' because it sounds nicer, though _your_ logic doesn't make sense." Bandana Dee cast him a quizzical glance. "Like... 'gosh' is just another euphemism for 'God'."

" _What_."

"Yeah, 'golly' too. 'Jeez' is an euphemism for 'Jesus'. Dunno if we have any religions like that in here, but outside sure does."

"Oh my gos— _goodness_!"

Then Bandana Dee ran out of the house faster than Usain Bolt, presumably to Kirby's garden hose.


	24. Tea of Enemies

**29 July 2015**

 _9 days._

 _Also look back at chapter 17 and see if you can link anything, haha._

* * *

24\. Tea  


 _of two perfectly completely normal whom I promise you are not weird in any way.  
_

* * *

"I was _joking_ when I said we should sit down and have tea with him," Bandana Dee quickly whispered into Kirby's ear, scooting his seat a little closer to the pink puffball's because the knight was glaring at the both of them like they had just cut up his favourite stuff toy.

"It's a good idea," Kirby replied, like he wasn't just having a friendly tea with a very unfriendly enemy. "I think he's happy that I was thoughtful and hardworking enough to set up a table on Nutty Noon, actually."

"...I have to be back in four hours..." Kirby didn't reply to Bandana Dee then and instead threw a biscuit into his own mouth.

The waddle dee cleared his throat, staring at Meta Knight, who was glaring back—okay, not really, he was glaring at _Kirby_ , but it still wasn't anything warm or accepting. Although, that was probably to be expected. Meta Knight sure didn't seem like a person who was full of bear hugs and all. Or maybe he was, and he was just trying to act tough in front of everyone. Or something. Some typical Japenese stereotype that started with a tu—su—tsunami— _something_.

The three of them had plunged into a very typical, very awkward silence.

You know, except for Kirby somehow managing to loudly chew on his cookies.

Bandana Dee took a nervous sip of his tea and then, "So... em, Sir Meta Knight, you're not going to... uh, eat?"

"I don't see why you have to be so formal," Meta Knight replied bluntly. That just rubbed Bandana Dee the wrong way.

"I don't see why you have to be so rude about everything," the waddle dee shot back.

Meta Knight didn't say anything in return, but instead of glaring at Kirby, he now shifted it to Bandana Dee. The waddle dee airily returned it. If there wasn't some sort of bad-intentions-relationship between them before, there was now.

Kirby suddenly laughed through a mouthful of cookies.

"So _this_ is what happens when you place two completely socially awkward people together!" he snorted. Bandana Dee cast him a completely blank look, while Meta Knight simply shifted his glare once again. "You two _really_ need some lessons. We don't have time for that today, so instead—say, Meta, why exactly do you do your world-conquering weirdo thing?"

If it was meant to be an ice-breaker, it was a weird one—hadn't they discussed that before? Bandana Dee turned to look at Meta Knight, though he couldn't make out his expression. Stupid mask.

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times—"

"Uh, no."

"—I have many rivals. If I conquer continents, it would be harder for them to strike."

"You're so boring," Kirby breezed like it wasn't an insult at all. "Though that's what you were like when you were a kid, last I saw, so I guess people don't change much."

Bandana Dee rocketed upright and nearly shoved over the whole table on the knight. "You _knew_ Meta Knight?" he echoed, baffled.

"Yeah."

"You keep saying you don't know how his childhood was like! And—And, and you kept making insulting jokes out of it!"

"I was joking, Band-Aid. Duh. Are you that dumb?"

"No, I'm n—"

"Even if you find that it is _boring_ ," Meta Knight finally seethed, having watched their back-and-forth, "once I'm done, there will be no need for _you_ , and you'll feel truly shamed to have thought of my careful plan in such a way."

Meanwhile, Bandana Dee's brain could not catch up and he just flopped backwards in his chair and stoned. Kirby laughed at balanced the waddle dee's teacup on his own foot.

"Band-Aid, do you need a band-aid?"

"Shut up," Bandana Dee called back. Sometimes he had backbone; sometimes he didn't. "Band-aids don't help my brain, you retarded... ugh, whatever, I can't think of any insults."

"Told you. You're all-bulliable and peace-loving." Bandana Dee did not respond. "Anyway, Meta, he said you were boring too, so I can't possibly be wrong."

"I never said you were wrong, and his opinions, as of now, do not matter—"

"Who is this ' _he_ '?!" Bandana Dee burst out.

"It's dramatic irony, Band-Band..." Kirby explained, mocking sympathy. "We have to stick with it."

"First, that's not dramatic. The readers don't know too— _did you just trick me into breaking that_?!"

And then Bandana Dee sobbed for the next two hours and for the next two days he repeatedly called himself the Utter Failure at Following Instructions.


	25. Friendly Chat of Trios

**8 August 2015**

 _official hiatus tim_

 _my keyboard sort of kind of did a. thing. a bad thing. and you have to press the shift key and the 11 key really hard and sometimes annoying double lettters pop up because of that._

* * *

25\. Friendly Chat  


 _of a very awkward trio which comprised three not-actually-a-trio-member members.  
_

* * *

"Great King," a waddle doo yawned, opening the door without even a knock. And it was two in the morning! (Not that it mattered, since he was still up eating and flipping through cartoons.) "Kirby's here... Why weren't you in your bedroom? Geez..."

" _You_ don't get to say anything about whether I'm in my bedroom or my throne room!" Dedede snapped.

"Mm-hm..."

"So, why did you come here?"

The waddle doo glared over at Dedede exasperatedly. How rude. He would send this one to a manner course... "Kirby's here. _Invading_... again. His invasions have been much more frequent... did something happen?"

 _"His invasions have been much more frequent."_ Hm, smart-sounding line. He'd save that for some time. Dedede cleared his throat and rolled his eyes, before the weight of the waddle doo's words _finally_ crashed down on him.

" _Why is Kirby here?!_ "

"...I asked if—"

"Prepare the troops! Why are you still standing here?! Go get me another slice of roast pork!" Dedede hollered, and the waddle doo itself rolled his eyes at the command, but bowed ever so slightly and left the room anyway.

The king cracked his knuckles. He'd pay Kirby a visit—wait, wasn't Kirby doing the visiting? But the line still sounded awesome, right?—and use that waddle doo's line and then he'd use his hammer to hammer Kirby out of his castle while the pink puffball was still awed by his vocabulary. Yes, that'd work. Of course. He always came up with the _best_ plans.

Right after he had his steak, of course.

He flipped open another comic book, leafing through the pages lazily. (Oh, wait, had he ordered roast pork, or steak? Must've been steak, right? He said steak just now, didn't he?) It was silent outside, but it only occurred to him that his throne room was basically soundproof. Kirby could be getting murdered and hung by his own tongue on a tree outside the castle. Of course. Wonderful.

The shriek of a waddle dee echoed outside.

(Yeah, it was the number one soundproof throne room. Number one from the bottom.)

The throne room doors flung open, revealing a very grumpy Kirby who was rubbing at his eyes with one hand and dragging a waddle dee behind him in the other. The waddle dee was flailing and shrieking but not seeming to make use of the spear in his right hand. What he was attempting to convey was beyond impossible to make out.

"He's a crybaby," Kirby sighed exasperatedly.

"I—I am not!" Once Kirby's grip loosened, Bandana Dee jumped to his feet. "You're always so—I mean, _I don't even know you_!"

"Oh, nice. Have you tried signing up for drama?"

" _I don't know you_!"

"Why are you here?!" Dedede burst out. Both pairs of eyes were on him. "I haven't even gotten my roa—"

"Actually, Dedede," Kirby yawned, "I don't really want to be here right now but I remembered I had forgotten to visit Bobina. The one I dropped off a while ago, Bob's sister? Yeah."

"Larry," Dedede corrected indignantly.

"Oh, you actually _remembered_!"

"Great King, he's a very strange and mentally ill _stranger_ ," Bandana Dee spoke up, extra emphasis on the word "stranger", although Dedede wasn't quite sure why, "and we should probably have him leave... as soon as possible—"

"Oh, shut _up_ , Band-Aid."

"Why are you in such a bad mood?!" Bandana Dee bit out. "I—uh—you're usually not as snappy whenever you... invade! All the other times!"

Dedede wasn't sure what to make of the both of them, who seemed relatively close, but according to Bandana Dee's words, Kirby was a stranger to him. Huh. Odd. And Kirby _did_ seem sort of grouchy. Usually he was an annoying ball of potisitity. Potisivity. Whatever it was pronounced as.

" _Why_ are you in my room?!" the king demanded. Bandana Dee nodded furiously and began whacking Kirby with the blunt end of his spear. What was that sentence again? Um... "Your... invasions, they've been a lot more... often!"

" _Where_ are you learning your grammar? You poor thing."

"Why are you so _spiteful_ today, Kirby? I mean, not like I know you on a daily basis. Or on any basis, but, uh, yeah. You don't... give off the... uh, aura of a spiteful person."

"Thanks, Band-Aid," Kirby said airily, turning around and picking up a box of cards that was apparently behind him. Of course Dedede knew that. "I don't want to be here, but in the honour of magical friendship, we shall play Go Fish!"

Bandana Dee scowled. " _Don't_ call me that! And I told you he's mentally ill, Great King. We should find some of the finer psychiatrists or psychologists in town. I know a few."

"The both of you, _get out_."


	26. Bungee Jumping of Danger Enthusiasts

**15 August 2015**

 _It takes just about nothing to kill my motivation._

 _I have some good news, though: there is no bad news._

* * *

26\. Bungee Jumping  


 _of a puffball who is very enthusiastic about doing (probably) dangerous things.  
_

* * *

Bandana Dee, equipped with another free hour, marched over to Kirby's house. (No, he was not obsessed with Kirby, how dare you ever insinuate that.) He was ready with a swimming float, since the last time Kirby had plotted an evil plan of throwing Bandana Dee into the pond behind his house and it nearly worked. So this time, he was ready. (Let's just ignore the fact that the pond was half his height. Ignore. It. Okay? Okay.)

Knocking on the door once—

Okay, he didn't.

Bandana Dee pushed open the door like it was his own house, armed with a nice greeting.

"Kirby—"

He blinked at the darkness. The darkness did nothing in return. The curtains were shut and no light was allowed through, except for the streak of light that was shadowed by Bandana Dee, courtesy of the open door.

Of course. When Bandana Dee came prepared, Kirby wasn't even home.

"Fine." It might've been a little strange to talk to himself, but compared to Kirby, it was absolutely normal. Bandana Dee spun on his heel, gently closing the door. Maybe he'd go back to the castle and eat more food. Or complain about the heavy amount of duties he was assigned with the Random Unnamed Friend of Bandana Dee. Or play a prank on the Random Unnamed Friend of Bandana Dee—

—Oh. Oh. A prank. Right. Kirby was like that, wasn't he? He liked to play pranks, right? What if Kirby had just pranked Bandana Dee and was chortling away with Bob? (Or was it Larry?) Or maybe Kirby wasn't in after all? Or maybe he was and doing the chortling? Or not?

Whatever. Bandana Dee was heading back, anyway.

Bandana Dee felt it was a waste to walk all the way to Kirby's house from the castle, with a _float_ , a _pumped up_ float, but he eventually told himself it was exercise so it was fine. Although it did get tiring—should he ask the capsule js to transport him around? ...Were the capsule js' presences worth the transport?

He guessed so. He could see what Kirby was up to for a few more hours, if they did. (If he _wanted_ to see what strange things Kirby was up to.)

"Band-Aiiiiid!"

Speak of the _devil_.

Bandana Dee looked up from where he was staring down at the dirt path, but he didn't see anyone in sight. (That was a lie; there was a bronto burt up ahead, but it wasn't Kirby, so did it matter?) ...Maybe he was hallucinating. He did get eight hours of sleep the day before, for _once_. So maybe Kirby's frequent yells were getting into his brain.

Only maybe, though. Bandana Dee tightened his grip on the float and continued onwards. He was near Whispy Woods' clearing, which was about halfway through, so _that_ was something to look forward to.

Oh, yeah. Maybe Kirby was in Whispy Woods' clearing. Apples did tend to fall over there, and the apples that did fall over there were _nice_. Bandana Dee often snatched one on the way back to the castle after he visited Kirby. It wouldn't be strange for Kirby to be there, although Bandana Dee _did_ tell the pink puffball he'd be coming over...

When he entered Whispy Woods' clearing, he saw a flash of pink streak upwards before it disappeared. Bandana Dee blinked, rubbing his eyes. _That_ probably was _not_ a hallucination. (Only maybe.) He took a step forward, holding his float in front of him like a shield, (although his spear would've been a safer bet), and continued to advance slowly.

The pink descended once more, and Bandana Dee jumped backwards. It didn't fly back up immediately, though, and Kirby spun around, rope tied around his right ankle, laughing in his usual silly manner.

" _Hi_!" went the normal greeting. Kirby waved his arms like he wasn't just hanging upside-down, and he hadn't just bounced up and down previously. "Sorry I wasn't at home! I wanted to get back, but this bungee jumping is _so_ addicting! Here, try it!"

"Uh, no, thanks. Motion sickness." Bandana Dee squinted at Kirby, scanning his position and the rope that prevented him from falling smack onto the ground, although there wasn't a very big distance between _that_ and Kirby's head. "That's... bungee jumping?"

"Yeah! Whispy said it was okay. He's asleep now, you know?"

"...Yeah. Isn't that a bit too short to be considered bungee jumping..?"

A wide(r) grin spread on Kirby's face. "Nope!"

"... _Right_." _Not_. "I was, uh, heading back to the castle. ...So, I might as well just stay here until I need to get back." Bandana Dee sat down and indulged himself in a fallen apple, while Kirby sucked up a bunch of air and floated back up under the disguise of the leaves.

Kirby sprung down once again, and Bandana Dee still nearly choked on his apple.

"...So, is it fun..?"

"Hm?"

"Bungee-jumping."

" _What_? I'm old and hard of hearing, Band-Aid. Gotta speak up."

"Is bungee-jumping _fun_?" Bandana Dee might've said it loud enough to be considered rude, but Kirby either didn't notice, or didn't care. He probably did sense it, though. He was observant. And sensitive. Most of the time he just didn't care.

Kirby's smile widened even more. "Yeah! Do you want to try it? I don't have a spare rope, but you can borrow mine, if you'd like!"

"No, _thanks_ ," Bandana Dee repeated. "Motion sickness."

"What if I bribed you with an apple?"

"I'm eating one now."

The pink puffball opened his mouth wide, a drift of air suddenly directed at it, and... oh, no. Bandana Dee flung his hand out at his float, the other hand loosely holding onto the apple, which was (un)mercifully caught by the wind, and went down. Kirby's hatch.

Kirby swallowed for a good few seconds, before resuming his grin. "Now you aren't!"

"I'll just take another..." Bandana Dee trailed off, surveying his surroundings. Blades of grass were swaying, but only if you stared hard enough. And no red fruits. "You are _rude_."

"Bungee. Jump."

"No."

"C'mon, have more backbone!"

"There is backbone, and there is… head-on stupidity. So, no, thank you. I'm heading off back."

Kirby was suddenly swinging at Bandana Dee and the next thing he knew was that Bandana Dee was up in the tree.


	27. Village Trips of the Mentally Unstable

**23 August 2015**

 _I don't know if I overuse the use of italics.  
_

 _But even if I do I wouldn't stop myself. So._

* * *

27\. Village Trips  


 _of the probably mentally unstable although no one knows what he's actually thinking.  
_

* * *

"Shut up. Hold up! Kirby, if you drag me to the village _with you_ , I will never visit you again."

"You don't have the heart to, Band-Aid. So don't."

"No! I mean… it's not that I don't _want_ to, but if the report gets to the king, he'll forbid me from leaving the castle. And he'll _reinforce_ it. And we'll never meet on a friendly basis _again_."

Kirby tilted his head backwards and laughed. Bandana Dee apparently didn't find it funny and proceeded to, once again, thrash in Kirby's (practically iron) grip. Kirby thought _everything_ was a joke! (Okay, maybe not.) Their friendship was at a _risk_ and he was just making a joke out of it! Rude. And he had better things to do in the castle. (Not really.) Maybe he should abandon the thought of visiting Kirby altogether.

"I doubt Dedede would care. Or believe it." Kirby tilted his head sideways thoughtfully, pausing for a moment before continuing down the dirt path. "I doubt the villagers would even tell him!"

"You can never be too safe!"

"Nice! I got another one for you. _You only live once._ ...In this universe, anyway."

"There's nothing to do in the village!"

"Carnivorous plants!"

"You are _not_ —"

"Yes, we are. Your life is too boring—" _wow, thanks_ "—and you need _some_ sort of danger! So you will get it. Your some sort of danger."

Bandana Dee would've added that he didn't really want "some sort of danger", and that working in the castle with his mundane routines were perfectly A-OK with him, but he already knew that there was no point arguing with a Set and Straight Minded Kirby, and quietly allowed himself to be dragged towards the village.

Then it occurred to Bandana Dee once again.

"...Are there _really_ carnivorous plants in the village?" He'd gone a few rounds in the village by himself. He hadn't explored every nook and cranny of it, but he'd seen enough.

And there were no carnivorous plants.

"Am I a liar?"

"...Um." Kirby glanced backwards to glare at the waddle dee for a little bit, before facing forward again. "How big are they?"

"Oh, twice the size of Bob."

Bob was… nearly as tall as Bandana Dee. But not quite there. No, wait..? Bandana Dee frowned, reaching up to adjust the bandana Kirby was tugging on. The waddle dee liked to think he was sane—he'd never gone around investigating the different heights of different things.

(He did know Kirby was a little taller than him, but that was only because Kirby had coerced him into comparing their heights. He did his victory dance _four times in a row_ when he learnt Bandana Dee was a little shorter than him.)

"How many?"

"Well, there's a planter box full of them! They're really friendly."

Bandana Dee didn't know if Kirby was delusional or actually telling truth.

The quaint village was the same as always. Villagers were walking around and doing business like they always were, and the fountain in the centre was spouting water neatly like always. It was a pretty sight, really. (Until winter, then the village looked like a ghost town.)

It would've been a much prettier sight if Bandana Dee hadn't been visiting a planter box full of carnivorous plants.

"...Where is the planter box?" Bandana Dee asked, unsure if he really wanted to know the answer. What if it was in some dark alley, and there's wasn't just _one_ planter box, but _many_? Oh, no no no no no no no—

"Oh, in the village garden."

"There's a village garden?"

Bandana Dee thought Kirby would've scrunched his nose if he had one. "Unofficially. But it's enough to be a garden."

Kirby entered a row of street vendors, with Bandana Dee in tow, and the waddle dee heard the pink puffball cheerfully greeting—probably the villagers. Kirby was a friendly puffball—could he ask them to, uh, not talk about Bandana Dee being dragged around by his _friend_ Kirby? Bandana Dee hoped Kirby was sensitive enough, at least.

Where most people would turn left at the end of a street—since there was barely any option for a right turn—Kirby spun around and let go of Bandana Dee's bandana, looking up at the wall. Bandana Dee mimicked the action, but didn't see anything notable. The wall wasn't tall, but wasn't too short to make a quick and pleasant climb, although there were some study-looking vines draped over it. They were hung until mid-height of the wall and Bandana Dee would have to jump to have to reach them—he wondered if they'd support his weight.

As for the wall itself—it was old-looking, cracks in a corner, and slicked with grime. Bandana Dee would've scrunched his nose. If he had one.

"I can fly over it," Kirby told Bandana Dee, sounding more practical than ever. "But you can't fly, right?"

"...Not really. Sort of—"

"If it's a 'not really', then you'll have to take the vines! They work, don't worry; I've tried before!"

Bandana Dee hurled another look up at the way-too-high-up-vines and fixed a glare on Kirby. "That's too high! I can't jump that high!"

"I can carry you until the vines," Kirby offered.

"Carry me all the way, then."

"Can't. You're too heavy."

"I can't climb for nuts."

"They're good vines. Anyway, if you start to die a little, just yell. I'll probably be able to help you a bit, but a bit's enough, right?"

Bandana Dee didn't know, and he didn't really want to find out.

He didn't really have a choice, though, and he knew he didn't. Kirby was floating above him before he knew it, hovering expectantly, and Bandana Dee lamely looked up, prompting Kirby to give him instructions. Giving him a flat look, Kirby wiggled his feet, and Bandana Dee blinked before latching onto them.

Kirby wasn't terribly fast to begin with, and with a baggage dragging him down, he was even slower. Despite all that, it felt like the duration of a blink before Bandana Dee was face-to-face with those sturdy vines.

He reached a hand out, latching onto a vine, and then the other one, and then Kirby suddenly hovering closely above his head anymore.

The trip up the vines was unexpectedly smooth, and Kirby laughed at Bandana Dee for it. The pink puffball pointed out Bandana Dee _was_ working in the castle, and he needed some survival skill or other—Bandana Dee pretended he knew that.

"Just over there's Eggplant. And Bandana. And Malus."

"...'Malus'?"

"Crabapple!"

Bandana Dee was honestly expecting some very terrifying, very large pitcher plants currently consuming an elephant, or venus flytraps with blood-stained jaws, or fangs, or what-have-you.

Instead, there were three planter boxes—no lies—that held the very normal, very common types of plants.

"What... it's—I..."

"Have been scared of those dainty, harmless seedlings over there all this time? Yes."

"No, they're not even seedlings—"

" _Excuses_!"

The time they spent ended normally: Kirby laughing hysterically and Bandana Dee exuding a very I'm-so-done-with-you aura.


	28. Abseiling of Waterfalls

**13 September 2015**

 _Updates will suck until mid-ish-October. Or that's the general range, anyway._

* * *

28\. Abseiling  


 _of roaring waterfalls_ — _like the types of roars in your dreams and then you wake up and it looks like a waterfall attacked your bed._ _  
_

* * *

"You _know_ I hate large bodies of water!"

"Yep!"

" _Prick_!"

In which Bandana Dee felt more ballsy than he usually did.

Kirby shrugged, tapping a crackled helmet carelessly. Bandana Dee winced—he was pretty sure the pink puffball had just made the crack _larger_ and made the helmet _closer to complete obliteration._. (Not really.) Which was not good at all. For either of them.

(Then again… it didn't really matter if they had a hard landing, did it? Puffballs were resistant to being injured from dropping from great heights—oh, wait. Sharp rocks. Oh.)

"You have to _overcome your fear_ someday, Band-Aid!" Kirby grinned, throwing his helmet on. It cracked again when he did so. It didn't expand the original crack—it just gave birth to a new one, and Bandana Dee thought he might get sick. "So, we will do it today. Because I am the greatest friend you ever will have, and most probably the only one."

"Did you just insinuate—"

"That you don't have any friends? Yes."

Bandana Dee narrowed his eyes, and Kirby laughed. "I do have a few—"

"I'm not saying you don't!"

Right. Right. Of course. (Liar.)

"Anyway," Kirby breezed, hopping into the pool that created the waterfall. Everything in Dream Land was so magical.

Instead of completing his sentence, Kirby began to pick up the rather new-looking gear he had brought. ...Was it actually new, or did it just look new because Kirby had stored it away in some hidey hole for a million years and spider webs and fungi grew on it, but he washed it all off?

Both were plausible. And sensible.

 _Honestly_!

"So here's the stick," Kirby pointed to a very thick, very sturdy, very more-like-a-stump stick in the middle of the pool. Had Kirby stuck it in there, or had it always been there? Either way, it didn't seem very Band-Aid-friendly. "You attach a rope to it, then you go down!"

"That's it?"

"Oh, and hope you don't die. Yeah. But don't worry, there's only an eighty-percent chance of that happening."

 _Only_. Bandana Dee snatched a glance at the rope Kirby had tied onto the stump-stick thing, and it seemed like... a... rope. Yeah. It seemed like a rope. Not overly weak. Or overly strong.

Just rope.

Simply was rope.

" _Where_... did you get that from?"

"Get the what-what?"

"The—um. The rope."

Kirby straightened his back for a moment to show Bandana Dee his full-on, idiotic and silly grin. "Oh, dunno! Found it in the garden shed, y'know..."

"...You don't have a garden shed."

"I know, right. Guess I stole it, then."

"You— _what_."

"Sarcasm!"

Those type of things were do-not-talk-back things. There was honestly no point trying to figure out where Kirby's train of thought started, or attempt to watch it as if flew off the rails into a ravine. If you talk back, the train would start swimming, back to shore, and then proceed to flop around a little like a dead fish before Kirby completely shut the argument down with something stupid.

And even if Bandana Dee _had_ wanted to talk back, Kirby had already disappeared off the edge of the waterfall. Hesitantly, Bandana Dee _very carefully_ stepped into the pool and when he reached the edge, kept his spear stabbed into the bottom of the pool to make sure if he was smacked down by a carnivorous plant, it would not be an instant knockout for him.

Kirby was halfway down the waterfall and going at a terrifyingly quick pace.

"So when you get to the bottom!" Kirby was speaking in a loud voice, over the thundering water. Although, Bandana Dee didn't know if he wanted to hear it. "You don't actually go to the bottom! You go like, three-quarters the way down, then you... uh."

"'Uh.' Yes. Descriptive. Ten out of ten."

"Well _someone's_ snarky today." A notable pause. "Oh, yeah! You kinda have to _jump_ down into the pool _below_... Yeah, a jump!"

"Oh. No. No, no, no, no, no, nope." That was essentially diving.

Or more commonly known as the Bane of Band-Aids.

(Was that an alliteration? Maybe... nearly?)

"It's easy. You won't die." Kirby let go of the rope on one hand, the other supporting him. The free hand adjusted the helmet so it wouldn't fly off and hit a carnivorous plant when he did the Dive of Doom later. "Unless there are sharks... Not that that one matters."

"' _Not that it matters_ '? Did I hear that right? I didn't, did I? Whoops, haha, looks like I need to clean my ears! So... uh. I gotta head back, yeah!" Bandana Dee nervously tittered, taking a few steps backwards and splashing at the pool.

"Nope, you heard me right! And—whoops! Nearly slid off."

" _You nearly slid off!_ " Bandana Dee screamed, voice hoarse as he raced towards the edge of the waterfall, before remembering that there were possible sharks and _oh god it's a waterfall_. He backpedalled, to where he marked as a safe zone, and leant over slightly. Kirby was fiddling with his rope with one hand, the other still clutching onto the rope. "Uh oh. Do I need to pull—?"

Kirby blinked and took a while to register his words. "Oh! Pull? No, no! Don't. I'm jumping off—like I said I'm supposed to, you know—"

"But you'll _die_!" The current pushed Bandana Dee forward a little, and he stumbled, tilting forward a good angle before his arms flailed and he righted his posture. Not before he got the full glare of the height of the waterfall and the pool with rocks below, though. "Oh. _No_."

The pink puffball had tugged the rope off without Bandana Dee catching it and dove into the pool below.

Bandana Dee decamping into a bush: " _How do I pause this horror movie?!_ "


	29. Pillars of Peace

**25 September 2015**

 _There is no school because of haze so we will SEIZE THE OPPORTUNITY_

 _I haven't written since the last chapter which was what twelve days ago haha yeah so my writing may be a bit gross here and there_

* * *

29\. Pillars  


 _of peace, and that is not called pillars of peace just because it is an alliteration._ _  
_

* * *

Bandana Dee yawned, crinkling the piece of paper he held up. On said crinkled paper was a picture of a hallway obnoxiously coated in bright pink paint, and ridiculously narrow. And obscure. And out-of-the-way. And hidey. He'd never seen that hallway before in his life.

Underneath the picture, written in a presumably permanent blue ink: _"LATEST KIRBY ATTACK"_

"Why did you send me a picture of this hallway... and... um... _what_?" The bandana-toting waddle dee threw a bewildered look at the waddle doo.

The waddle doo, wearing a police cap he'd stolen from God-knows-where, blinked up at Bandana Dee. Everyone mostly just called the waddle doo Official Doo. He handled very official matters. Very official. Much official. Official-ity.

Official Doo squinted at the picture Bandana Dee had flipped round to let him have a look at. "Oh, _that_."

"Yes, _this_."

"I don't know. Someone reported Kirby eating something along that hallway, and I guess he's dangerous." Official Doo certainly was giving off a very official vibe. _Very_. "They took a picture of the hallway—"

"With a low-quality camera."

"—and sent it into the office." Official Doo blinked at the photo. "...That's for you to decide."

Bandana Dee groaned, before flipping the picture around so he could have a look at it again. The picture was blurred, slightly, but he could definitely make out the obnoxious bright pink paint and ridiculously narrow feature of the hallway. He was sure of it.

"So where do I find this place?" Bandana Dee questioned, scrutinising the printed photograph carefully.

Official Doo tapped the table with an inkless pen. "It should be obvious."

Even Google Translate could accurately define that: _I don't know._

And so ended the prologue of Bandana Dee's journey.

(The entire journey is only a prologue and a half.)

Truth be told, Bandana Dee thought he'd be wandering around in the castle for some good hours. He'd never seen that place before and it didn't help it was blurry. And it didn't help Bandana Dee didn't have the greatest sense of direction. Although that had nothing to do with the present times.

He was painfully wrong. He ended up walking around for ten minutes before he decided he wanted to redo his bandana on, leaned against the wall, and the wall immediately rotated with him and he shrieked when he ended up on the other side of the wall.

Which was, by the way, obnoxiously coated in bright pink blinding paint and was ridiculously narrow.

And happened to coincidentally contain a pink puffball.

Bandana Dee nearly had a heart attack.

"Kirby Kirby Kirby Kirby Kirby why are you here um um um um oh god is anyone else here no one else is here right? What are you doing here is that a tomato why are you picnicking _here_ —"

Very casual Band-Aid greeting.

"Oh, hi!" Kirby waved like Bandana Dee wasn't spluttering and about to suffer from a heart attack or a panic attack or a whatever attack. "I was gonna have a picnic, but the weather's ridiculously _horrid_ , and having a picnic in your own home is as horrid. 'Horrid' is such a nice word. Like, _horrid._ Horrid, horrid, horrid. _Horrid_ —"

"Okay, okay!" Bandana Dee frantically waved his arms. "But why in the _castle_?!"

"Because the weather's horrid, and I needed a picnic, and the castle is nice and sheltered and there's this secret hidey hole! And also because I can visit my friend."

For a fleeting moment, Bandana Dee thought "friend" referred to him, but then remembered Kirby was very direct and probably referring to someone else. Great. Way to get feels very crushed.

Wait. Um. "Your friend? In the castle? You have friends from the castle apart from me?" That was pretty dangerous. Maybe.

"Yeah, my friend over here." From his sitting position, Kirby scooted around a little so that his side was facing Bandana Dee. Making a big show with his hands, Kirby gestured to the pillar. "Pillis, meet Band-Aid! Band-Aid, meet Pillis. Pillar."

"'Band-Aid' isn't my name—it's a pillar."

"Exquisitive!"

"I... _no_. Do you even know what that means?"

Kirby's smile did not double as a reply to Bandana Dee's question.

"I met Pillis last month!" Kirby continued cheerfully, suspiciously ignoring Bandana Dee's earlier question. "I finished defeating the fire lion by throwing it against the wall and suddenly the wall moved. And that is how I met Pillis."

"...I—"

"He's such a good friend! He can't move, but whenever I'm near him, I don't get attacked!"

Yes, because it was a hidey hole. A very inconvenient hidey hole. A hidey hole coated in obnoxious _bright_ blinding pink paint and was difficult to look at.

Of course it was the pillar protecting him.

"So he's... like... the _Pillar of Peace_." Kirby bounced to his feet, grinning excitedly. Like a drug addict in a drug store. Bandana Dee didn't know. He wasn't good at similes, or whatever. "It's an alliteration. I didn't even need to take Language Arts when I was young!"

"Well, neither did I—"

"Pillis makes a better friend than cheesecakes."

"You... okay."

It only later occurred to Bandana Dee Kirby probably had it real tough on him when he was younger if he was saying stuff like that. Well, it wasn't like the waddle dee would bring it up, anyway; he was too awkward for that.


	30. Discussion of Instruments

**29 October 2015**

 _I always feel so bad whenever I see someone favouriting one of my fics because of the shitty update rate but nothing motivates me._

* * *

30\. Disucussion  


 _of instruments and hallways and titles._ _  
_

* * *

"Band-Aid Band-Aid Band-Aid Band-Aid _Band-Aid look_!"

When the Kirby calls you, you answer immediately. Bandana Dee whipped around, eyes darting up from where he was fiddling with some weeds. "At..?"

"There was a really nice villager!" That... did not answer the question at all. "And we had a conversation! So, I was like, _oh, hi, want any cabbages? We're on sale._ 'We're' referring to me, because I'm a one-man business. And he was all, _oh, no thank you, but you're the legendary Kirby right?_ And I was like, _yep!_ And then he said—"

"Why do you have a _piano_ outside of your house..?" Bandana Dee squinted, before realising Kirby was giving him a very strange, foreign look. Bandana Dee's used to those things; almost guiltily, he shuffled backwards. "Sorry for interrupting."

The pink puffball's gaze flicked to the black grand piano situated right outside of his house. "Yes. The piano. Good pianos. You have fantastic observation skills, Bandana Dee, I must say. A ten out of ten for you!"

Uh. "Thanks..?"

"Yes, short story short, the villager gave me a grand piano. Like, he just tossed it outta nowhere, and I was talking with Bob, and he was like, _oh, you can have this._ And he left before I could even throw it _back_ at him. So it's mine to keep. For now."

Bandana Dee thought Kirby was weird. (Obviously.) Keeping a grand piano (...or grand piano lookalike) was practically a blaring sign, inviting thieves all _hey, I'm over here!_ Then again, there was no space in Kirby's house, and it wasn't even like Kirby even thought of the grand piano as precious, and didn't seem like he would mind if he lost it.

You can't really _lose_ a grand piano. But, y'know.

That didn't really interest Bandana Dee, though. He was not musically talented and he was not going to fight about it. Music just didn't really catch his interest, and while it _was_ nice to hear a piece or two, Bandana Dee wouldn't stay for the third.

None of the above justified Bandana Dee stopping the conversation, though. So he didn't.

"Can you play the piano?" He realised he'd been asking nothing but questions, so far, but he politely excused himself with the fact that he probably didn't know half of what made up Kirby, and Bandana Dee himself wasn't a very interesting person in the first place.

"Of _course_ ," said Kirby, indignantly. "It's been a while since I've touched one, but I still remember how to!"

"But _how_ did you learn..?" You didn't really learn how to play a piano without one.

"Where _I_ came from, there was a piano. But no one used it, except for me, so it's technically mine!" Er. No. "Someone taught me how to read the notes, and stuff, and I just figured out how to work the piano from there. And there were like, _scoresheets_. By _actual_ musicians, so I could teach myself some! I still remember a few!"

Oops, he tangled the weeds—Bandana Dee attempted to fix the mistake carefully. "Um. Like?"

"'Cakeland'. Ever heard of it?" Before Bandana Dee could process his words: "Nope, you haven't, because it doesn't exist. Mm-hrm... I know Moonlight Slaughter."

Moonlight— "Moonlight Sonata?"

"Ah, yeah. Whatever. Moonlight S-omething."

Bandana Dee felt as unimpressed as the weeds. (Uh.)

Kirby didn't say anything, but he was still bouncing on his toes and regarding Bandana Dee with a curious spark. The waddle dee, unable to save them, dropped the weeds back into the grass. ...Oh, uh—was the pink puffball expecting him to say something about himself? He didn't really have any, apart from the time when he threw a tuba at the jammed door.

...And that didn't count as musical experience, either.

Unable to think of any of his own, and definitely unable to tolerate Kirby's inquiring gaze, Bandana Dee dug the first thing related to the topic out of his head.

"Great King sings in the toilet sometimes."

Kirby was caught off-guard. Just for a moment. Barely. ...Maybe. He probably wasn't startled at all. Nope. Just Bandana Dee's imagination. Was it?

"'Great King'—oh, the not-great king." Bandana Dee would've retaliated, but it was hopeless to ever attempt to usurp Kirby from his Nonsense Logic That Always Wins Throne, and it was... also... quite... true. "How would you know that?"

"Great King's toilet is separated! It's a door in a used hallway," Bandana Dee immediately defended, although he realised a minute too late that Kirby had not been insinuating anything. (Welp.) "...I don't usually take that hallway, but erm... Great King is scared of the dark, so during the night—"

"—he gets one of you to stand outside the toilet on standby in case any shadow monster leaps out of the mirror. Yes, yes, I know that." Then what was the point of even asking? "Larry tells me a lot."

Larry was the... fake plant Dedede kept. For some reason or another. Admittedly, Bandana Dee was surprised it wasn't mingling with a heap of garbage at the moment.

"But... Larry can't speak."

"Lies."

Bandana Dee could argue. Again, he chose not to bother.

The pink puffball finally stopped hazardously bouncing on his toes, and settled for a straight, steady standing posture instead. "So! I can play Starlight Slaughter now, if you want. I don't remember half the chords, so I'll just skip to the parts where I remember!"

"'Moonlight Sonata', and—"

"But wasn't the title an alliteration?"


	31. Collection of Books

**15 November 2015**

 _Two weeks ago: "ok i'm going to update this daily"_

 _Someone just stick a post-it on one of my chargers. "go write something you lazy shit"_

* * *

31\. Collection  


 _of children books that mostly revolve around plants._ _  
_

* * *

"I have two consecutive days off," was the first thing out of Bandana Dee's mouth upon arrival at Kirby's house. (Which was also an euphemism for "The Place of All Things Innocently Bad".)

"Big words!" Kirby exclaimed as he jumped up from where he was (attempting to) trim a bush with a kitchen knife. Before Bandana Dee could reply with his mild confusion: "If you have two consecutive days off, then we will do the only thing to be done with two consecutive days off! We will have a _sleepover_."

Bandana Dee paled. (With his face being the colour of cornsilk, he probably was _literally_ white.) There was no explanation for the reaction—simply the Foreboding Feeling that was Always Right.

"Well—" He struggled for an excuse. There were none. "I... can't?"

"Why not? Are you scared there are monsters under my bed? Don't worry! I only keep gordos under there!"

"You keep—" _Gordos_? Bandana Dee briefly wondered if the "monsters under your bed" story stemmed from Kirby's very own bed. "Um. No. I just... can't?"

"Oh, right. Okay." Bandana Dee lifted his head, blinking at Kirby. "In that case, I will sleepover at _your_ place in the castle—"

"No! No no no no no no!" All the easier it would be for the king to come up behind him and cosh him on the head with that misused hammer. "I—uh—have an appointment. With—the... grass!"

The first thoughts that bricked Bandana Dee on the head were all very promising. Of course.

Kirby bent over to dig the kitchen knife into the ground momentarily, so he didn't have to hold it. When he straightened himself, he tilted his head. "Grass? Like, grass grass? Plant grass? Green grass? Growing grass?"

"Yeah." It was all a very good idea. Bandana Dee could write a book: _How to Save Yourself From Awkward Situations With Flair_. "Um. Well. Fertilising, you see. With... cow shit?"

"Oh. Yeah. Yeah!" Kirby brightened like all the problems and questions in his life had been solved. "But... you're having a day off? So there wouldn't be any work?"

"Voluntary... work? They—like—um. We're short on botanists. Kind of."

"So you're a stand-in botanist! Okay. Got it!" A beam lit up Kirby's features. "That's great! I didn't know you were a fellow botanist, Band-Aid. You should've told me earlier so we could discuss plant health problems _all day every day_." He whirled around. Bandana Dee felt the air whizzing past him. "I have a few books to help! Stay here!"

While he stood outside, Bandana Dee debated on whether casually spinning out and away from the area would be safer or whether he should just wait for a vulture to stop by and eat him.

...Oh. Wait. Vultures only ate—

" _Heeereee_!" Kirby was back in a second, a stack of books occupying his stubs. Hesitantly, Bandana Dee reached out, but the pink puffball immediately dropped the entire collection onto the ground. He looked positively enthusiastic. Or whatever. "I'm so glad I get to pass down my skills to you, Band-Aid! My methods will never go out of tradition, now!"

Gingerly, as if it would bite him and his entire face off before quietly returning to its earlier form, Bandana Dee plucked the first book off of the stack. He scanned the cover and skimmed over the first few pages, filled with text of font size three thousand and cartoon-styled pictures.

"...This is a storybook." Bandana Dee closed it and held it up so Kirby could see the title— _Bob the Cactus_ —before returning it to the pile. "I don't think they'll help..."

" _Nonsense_. Clearly, you've been getting your answers from some shady website in some shady, elusive corner of the internet." Kirby swiped a book from the middle of the pile, which miraculously remained steady, and then flipped it open dramatically. "What _every_ plant needs is a good bedtime story! So, you may have all of these to read to the grass! Oh, yeah, they like stories about their relatives, particularly. Hence, _Bob the Cactus_."

"But Bob is a plastic plant." Pause. "Did you draw inspiration from this?"

Scowling, Kirby tossed the book back into the pile. "The book was written three years ago and Bob was born a year ago. Obviously, the author was copying _me_!"

"Uh."

"One last thing!"

Sometimes, Bandana Dee forgot that Kirby was the hero of Dream Land and therefore had pretty good reflexes and instincts and general movement. It was hard to not think that Kirby wasn't slow-moving when it came to combat, but he was actually so dastardly fast it was terrifying.

None of that gave an excuse for the flying knife that missed Bandana Dee by what felt like a nothing-metre.

Shrieking so loudly it'd put a banshee to shame, Bandana Dee dove forward face-first, inches away from the tower of books. He threw a glance at the offending object, and then looked up at the offending offender who had offensively flung the offending object.

"You need a butcher knife to mow your grass when you need to!"

"We _have_ —a lawnmower!"

"But butter knives are more fun! They like swing and the things fall!"

"That's _not_ a butter knife—"


	32. Movies of Horror

**19 November 2015**

 _I couldn't find the Skyward Sword case so I just put the disc in some PS3 Call of Duty case and stuck a post-it: "Skyward Sword"_

 _I know the chapter title is super very really good okay i KNOW_

* * *

32\. Movies  


 _of horror with lots of bad effects._ _  
_

* * *

"What is it _today_?"

Kirby held up a stack of disc cases bound together by a rubber band. "Movies!" he cheered as he precariously tilted on the window sill.

"Movie room's closed."

Instead of a reaction of disappointment, Kirby grabbed the nearest fabric—the curtain, caked in layers of dust—and began to dramatically dab at his eyes. "You're not rejecting my presence today! I'm doing a good job..!"

Dedede scowled. "Only 'cause you never get out even when I tell you to."

"Lies. I would say your pants are on fire, but you aren't wearing any." Leaping off the window sill with cases still in hand, Kirby placed them on the ground and swiped off the dust streaks on his face. Then he strutted over to the nightstand where Larry—Bob? Larry?—was throned and then rested his chin in front of the plastic plant with a mock-dreamy sigh. "How are you doing, Larry?"

In an attempt to defend himself: "I keep it there for _oxygen_."

Almost instantly, Kirby whirled around, nearly knocking the entire nightstand over. "Larry can _do that_?!" There was a newfound interest prominent in his eyes. "Hey, I didn't know! I mean, since he's made of _plastic_ , and all—"

...Oh. Whoops. "Not that! To give people the... _impression_ that there's oxygen and it's not stuffy!"

"You have visitors in your bedroom?! I thought _I_ was the only one who invaded this place!"

"Get out."

"So, I have some discs here. Action? Romance? Mystery? Horror?" One by one, Kirby flicked open the cases. "I have three actions, one romance—oh, no, wait, I cracked the disc because it was bad. Never mind." He shut that case close and attempted to fling it at the trash bin. He missed by a mile and it landed dangerously close to larry. "I have one mystery—oh, I put a horror inside this case! Whoops, no mysteries, either—"

In the end, Dedede permitted one horror movie, and Kirby finished the popcorn half a minute through it.


	33. Distractions of Food

**3 December 2015**

 _I would say something about the horrendous update gap, but everyone knows that already, I think._

 _so, did you know some turtles can breathe through their butts_

* * *

33\. Distractions  


 _of food from porous hands._ _  
_

* * *

"I think the waddle dees are starting to get used to my presence," Kirby told the king with an air of pride. "A pair of them didn't try to spear me today on my way up."

"You're actually using the front door?"

"Yes! Since you asked me to. I am very gracious, I'll have you know. I am a blob of my word." The pink puffball nodded and used his left stub to thump where his heart was supposed to lay under. "You should get me a VIP sticker to paste on my forehead. With your signature. Maybe your loyal minions will stop harassing me that way."

"If one of them manages to spear you one of these days, that'll be a good thing," Dedede remarked, putting the notebook where he wrote all the insults that the leader waddle doo came up with at the drop of a hat down.

(Truth be told, Bandana Dee had managed to convince all the waddle dees to _not_ spear Kirby on sight. Kirby knew this, but he pretended he didn't. For fun. For laughs. For good things.)

"My heart has been broken," Kirby mock-sniffed, miraculously making the gesture of a heart breaking with his stubs. "Or, brain, actually, because—why do people even insist that the heart feels emotions, anyway? I've always thought it was the brain, you know. Because it's the _brain_. Brain, brain. Brain. Isn't your heart just some clump of muscles? That just pumps blood all over your body? Yeah, right? Then why would someone insist that you _feel_ things there? Just because of the fact _if you get stabbed there you will die, one-hundred percent_ isn't a good excuse—"

"'Cause the brain is uglier than the heart," Dedede supplied. The waddle doo had once said that. (It was meant to be sarcastic, but the king didn't really know that.)

Kirby looked at him in awe, as if he had received The Enlightenment.

Kirby's visits were frequent, which was actually a result of more work on Bandana Dee's job, and Dedede had given up on trying to whack him out of the room and instead fed him insults he had been memorising from the waddle doo like they were nutrients, or something weird like that. Kirby was perfectly content, and never responded genuinely negatively to any of them.

(Kirby's frequent visits were also due to his sudden desire to see his "plant niece". He often brought empty _kettles_ over and tipped air down into Larry's pot.)

"You know, when you mention organs," Kirby began, and Dedede had this foreboding feeling, "you think of blood, and then you think of bleeding, and then you think of holes in your skin, and then you think of _needles_."

"No. I don't."

"We can sew today!" Kirby trilled, spawning a plastic bag and scattering it on the floor. Dedede's eye twitched. Kirby thought he should get that eye checked out. "Lucky for you, I am an expert when it comes to sewing! Even if I don't wear any clothes. It's okay. It _makes sense_."

"Are you a housewife?"

"When I was younger I asked someone if I could become that, they said no. Anyway, do you know what a running stitch is? No—do you know how to thread the thread through the eye of a needle? Ridiculous, actually. Threading is ridiculous. Your hands will end up porous before you can even start sewing. The harsh, cruel reality of being a housewife. Honestly. Oh, did you know the term 'househusband' exists?"

Rolling his eyes, Dedede notably stepped away from the mess of plastic bags strewn on the floor. Kirby, too preoccupied with tying a napkin with the word _LARRY_ messily sewed on it around the plastic plant's stem, did not notice.

But when he sat back at his original place, he did. "You won't get eaten. I mean, maybe you will, but then that's too bad. So, don't be a chicken. Even though chicken pie is great." And, for extra effect: "Yum."

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the kitchen to get some food?"

"What a tempting distraction. You just don't want to admit you're way worse at sewing compared to me."

"I am not," Dedede snapped haughtily. "I'll prove it to you, since you're basically begging me to."

"Okay!" Kirby beamed. (He had accomplished his goal, but he didn't say that.) "After the food."

Which never happened, because they spent the rest of the entire day depleting the castle's stock of food.

* * *

While the two were being major causes of energy crises, the bandana-toting waddle dee sighed as he listened to the unglamorous noises of the two chomping. Gingerly, he slid another book from the top of the stack, flipping the hard cover open and flipped two pages to the first chapter.

"Once upon a time..."

He pretended the grass wasn't a little greener the next day. (Because that would be embarrassing.)


	34. Acting of Drowning

**6 December 2015**

 _I came up with the capsule js' names in two seconds. Now you see why all my OCs are horrible._

* * *

34\. Acting  


 _of drowning that isn't actually possible._ _  
_

* * *

"Why do you keep sending them? Can you stop sending them? I don't mean to be rude, because they're very nice, generous, patient friends of yours, Kirby, and also very talented when it comes to speed, but I feel like my life is halved every time they show up."

"You don't mean to be rude but you're being rude!" Kirby gasped dramatically, teaming the action with aggressively flipping the picnic basket open.

Bandana Dee, flustered, drew back. "Well—no. I was hoping I wouldn't be. Well—I. Er. They could try... gentler approaches."

While in his room and polishing his spear, ready to go grab a book and sulk for the next two hours of his break, the seven capsule js had pleasantly showed up and grabbed him by the foot—again—and then whizzed off at the speed of Kirby's eating rate. Bandana Dee, completely unprepared, did not bring anything along with him apart from himself and his bandana. The capsule js, very unkind, dropped him onto The Shore a metre above the ground.

How did they always manage to catch Bandana Dee during his breaks, anyway? He didn't understand that one.

(It was all scripted, actually. So it would never make logical, plausible sense.)

Kirby looked at one of the capsule js, then back at Bandana Dee. "Du says they're always very gentle with you. Because you're a delicate specimen who needs to be treated with utmost care."

"They're horrible," Bandana Dee announced, and did not regret it. "Why do you keep bringing me to Onion Ocean, anyway? It's not an unpleasant place, I mean... it's—well, it's _very_ pleasant... but I don't see why we can't just, erm, use one of the shallow ponds near your house."

"That's exactly why we can't use 'em. They're shallow." Kirby raised a stub as if he had proved a very good point. "Today, Bandana Dee... Today, you will conquer your fear of water!"

"...But I'm not scared of water. It's a fear of drowning."

"Do you know what the difference between those two are, Band-Aid? Do you know how big the difference is?" Kirby raised both stubs, clapping them fully together. "This. This is how much difference there is."

"That's a plenty lot."

"Aren't you _educated_ or something?!"

"Well... barely."

For some reason, Kirby was bent—very bent—on making Bandana Dee get into the water. It was something Bandana Dee didn't understand at all. (Well, when it came to Kirby, he didn't understand _anything_.) Bandana Dee wasn't terrified of the water enough to get a panic attack of any sort, but he still didn't like it very much. It _would_ set off a rarely-lit fuse of Bandana Dee's, though.

Kirby popped a red-coloured candy into his mouth, sucking on it delightedly. "Well, actually, Band-Aid, you've been tricked! _Aha_! We're not actually here to swim. I mean, not all of us. _I_ am. Swimming is food for my soul. ...Not really, actually, I could do away with it forever."

"So what am I here to do?" Bandana Dee quizzed, dreading one of Kirby's infamous plans.

"Be a good friend," Kirby started, shutting the picnic basket and dumping it into Bandana Dee's stubs, "and _make_ friends."

"What does that have to do with your picnic basket..?"

"Nothing! But I understand that you are a good friend, Bandana Dee, and good friends help other good friends carry good picnic basket friends, you see. Unless you have a muscle ache! Then I will gladly let Da carry it for me—"

"Da?"

Kirby blinked, then nodded to the capsule js. "Yeah, Da's one of them. Oh, right. I forgot you don't know them." His face split out into a grin. "Well, that's why you're making friends with them!"

"I'm making—what?"

Kirby refused to answer Bandana Dee, even as the pink puffball slowly sank himself into the water. Even as Bandana Dee listed a number of bribes that would pique Kirby's attention in the very slightest. Even as he mentioned Larry.

Kirby did, however, react when Bandana Dee announced he was flinging the picnic basket into the water.

"They wanted to get to know you better since this is, like, the third time they've picked you up from your hidey hole!" Kirby proudly declared. "Now, put the basket down and _let's all be friends_."

"Of course." Bandana Dee nodded gingerly placed the basket onto one of the flatter rocks.

Someone tapped his shoulder and he instantly whirled around, ready to grab his spear—oh, he didn't have his spear. Oh, yeah, right. No self-defence. An orca could come up and just eat them as it liked.

There wasn't a need for the spear, though. It was just one of the capsule js. "Hello," it said. He? She?

Instead, Bandana Dee replied, "You can talk? Kirby always just—well, he just looked at you and then continued like you talked to him! I—er. I thought it was telepathy. Or something."

"Or something," the capsule j sighed. Bandana Dee had a feeling that they were reconsidering their decisions. "Electric waves to the brain. Private communication. _Somewhat_ telepathy."

"Won't that, uh, rot the person's brain?"

"Absolutely not." The capsule j seemed offended. "Vowels."

"What? I mean—pardon?"

"Vowels. Us, with 'D' in front. Kirby already said—Da and Du. So, Di, and De, and Do, too. The last two are twins. Dio and Deo."

"Wow. Okay. I mean... well. I'm Bandana Dee." ("And I also can't tell you apart, and that's a very simple system of names" he wanted to add, but he figured it wouldn't earn him any brownie points.)

The capsule j tilted its head. "'Bandana Dee'? Kirby always calls you 'Band-Aid'."

"Oh. Nice. I'm not surprised—"

"Band-Aid," Kirby called leisurely, "I'm droooowning. Help!"

"What?!" Bandana Dee whirled around, jumping in fright when he noticed Kirby was no longer in his usual starfish position. "Well—see! I told you there's a reason to be scared of drowning!" Then, to the capsule js: "Can't any of you swim?"

One of them looked ruffled. "No, it gets into our jets, _obviously_. Kirby's already told you that already, hasn't he? Besides, he's faking."

"What?"

"Faking drowning. It wouldn't be the first time."

"So... what do you normally do?"

Dryly: "Let him drown."


	35. Resting of Roofs

**13 December 2015**

 _I missed 12 December by eight minutes. I'm so disappointed_

 _ **Meow** (Guest): It did, actually, since guest reviews have to be approved before they get posted. They're automatically approved in 3 days unless I fast-approve them myself, which I never because I'm lazy. And, no, I'm not upset at all..? (i have no idea what i'm supposed to be upset about um ok)_

* * *

35\. Resting  


 _of roofs that are particularly bumpy and not comfortable at all._ _  
_

* * *

Kirby was not at home.

Miffed at first, Bandana Dee gradually sank into horror. Kirby was his go-to... friend... during his long breaks. He had already dismissed all his other pals back at the castle and it would be awkward to go back and find them and explain the whole situation. Impressions were everything.

The minion scurried all the way back to where he had come from and teetered on the edge of the cliff. There was no pink speck in the blue water. The unwanted thought of sharks trickled into his paranoid head.

"Bandana?"

Bandana Dee whipped around, hopping on one foot. It was the waddle doo that the king wrote down insults from. "Oh. Hi—" His sentence cut off high because he suddenly remembered he had no clue what the waddle doo's name was. Great job, Bandana Dee. (That was why he practically had no friends.)

"What, do you like looking out into the sea? Going to say something philosophical?"

"Erm. No."

"Are you looking for Kirby?"

At those words, Bandana Dee jerked. "No," he replied, a bit too quickly.

"He's on the roof," the waddle doo said in an aloof manner, before turning around and walking around the corner of the castle where Bandana Dee couldn't see him.

Bandana Dee got a tad worried that he'd been caught, although he could always make the excuse that the hero had been particularly close with their king lately. Whatever. He'd make some good excuse if he was forced to acknowledge it. Maybe.

The castle's interior had been renovated a few times, but the exterior mostly remained untouched. They only did what was necessary to keep the castle from crumbling, and nothing more. So it wasn't difficult for Bandana Dee to find some vines clinging to the walls that made a pathway up to the roof. There was no actual rooftop to be used, so Bandana Dee simply headed to the highest floor and scaled up the vines.

Against the brown and red of the roofs, Kirby's pink character was bright and obvious. With a final pull, Bandana Dee hauled himself up onto the roofs, taking care not to fall off them towards his doom, and trotted towards the hero.

Kirby noticed him fairly quickly and leapt to his feet. "Bandana Dee, my good friend! Pal! Buddy!"

"The roofs are just as dangerous as sleeping in the ocean!" Bandana Dee insisted worriedly.

"Not up here where it's flatter and safer! And where you don't float off to other islands, even though it's nice to make new friends, because sometimes there are _cannibals_."

Nothing up there was safe, Bandana Dee thought, but he didn't bother mentioning that. "Don't you have... um... a farm to tend to?"

"Nope. I'm all out of stock, and the plants take care of themselves very well!" Kirby chirped. "Very responsible. I've raised them well. Especially Bob and Larry. They haven't wilted once." Of course not. "How did you find me, anyway? I'm the Master of Stealth."

"Oh. Uh, a waddle doo told me." Had the waddle doo actually talked to Kirby? Or had he just seen the pink puffball? It was strange that he knew that Bandana Dee was looking for Kirby, anyway...

"Oh, that guy!" Kirby nodded vigorously. "I met him on my way up here! I told him I was heading to the roof to sleep, and he told me I was stupid. It was rather beautiful, actually."

"I'm sure."

"Then he said to avoid the left wing because the roof crumbles a little. And I told him that I was glad that he wasn't as paranoid as you, and he looked a little surprised to hear that, but then he just turned and walked away."

Typical unfriendly doo who spewed insults as naturally as breathing. "What's his name, by the way..?"

Kirby blinked once. Twice. "Hey, you know, I actually didn't ask him, and he didn't introduce himself at all... How strange! Well, I ought to look for him and go get it now!"

As soon as the pink puffball straightened, Bandana Dee realised he actually meant it. "Wait, Kirby, no! Great King isn't in a good mood today—"

By the end of the day, half the castle was in its throes, and the waddle doo's name was not found.


	36. Presents of Plasters

**30 December 2015**

 _This would've come on the 26, except I didn't write it up in time and I had things from that day to today._

 _And it's a few days from Christmas but it's okay to bring it up it's still December_

* * *

36\. Presents  


 _of "plasters", or just unfortunate dees._ _  
_

* * *

"How has your grass been growing, by the way?" Kirby inquired innocently—as innocent as Kirby could get, anyway—and spun the watermelon in his hands.

"Fine. Absolutely fine," Bandana Dee replied a bit too quickly to seem smooth. "No big changes, but I wasn't expecting any."

"Well, I guess you're not putting enough emotion into your reading!"

"Actually, I... well, okay."

Kirby took no notice to Bandana Dee's stumbles—or maybe he just didn't care. The puffball was renowned for that. Oh, wait, _no_ , he wasn't. But things eventually came to a big loop anyway, so it was all the same.

"Merry Christmas, Band-Aid! May the God of Plasters shower you with love."

Bandana Dee squinted. "The God of—"

"Or, Merry Crisis. I'm not really sure. Are you going through a particularly hard time in life? _Merry Crisis_."

"Um. Okay. Thank you..?"

"It _sucks_ ," Kirby whined, knocking on the watermelon, creating an eventual dent. "During Christmas, there's supposed to be snow, you know! Then we could have snowmen with Santa hats on top of their heads, and then we stick sticks into their sides as arms and shove mittens on the ends of them!"

To Kirby, who (pretended to) dabble in childish things like those, it was delightful. Bandana Dee, on the other hand, was simply horrified at the thought. Wasn't that a huge waste of money, after all? _Right_? Right? Santa hats and mittens on _snowmen_? They could be saving lives. From hypothermia. How wasteful.

Though, anyone would be smart enough not to voice those thoughts to Kirby.

"White Wafers does all the snowing for us," Bandana Dee reminded, although he was sure Kirby didn't need the reminder.

Season changes varied from planet to planet. For example, Bandana Dee knew that Floria had ever odd-changing seasons with special triggers that no one seemed to be able to work out. Pop Star was different—it was sectioned into six, and each of them had their own remarkable attribute, even if it wasn't a season. Except for Dream Land, which was in the centre of the star-shaped planet. It inherited traits from the varying areas, but most of those were from Cookie Country or Onion Ocean. Traits from Raisin Ruins and White Wafers were almost nonexistent.

So, White Wafers did all the snowing for them.

And there was never any snow in Dream Land. That year wouldn't be any different.

"Well," Kirby huffed, "even if we can't have snow, we can still have _presents_. Here, I got one for you!"

Kirby tossed a box in Bandana Dee's direction—the waddle dee hadn't even seen it coming, because the pink puffball grabbed it out of _nowhere_. He still managed to catch it—he wasn't a top minion in the castle for nothing, you know!—although he did tip over slightly backwards.

It had a typical appearance of a present box. Square box with a square lid, and ribbons crossing from all sides to the top, tying and finishing into a neatly done-up knot. The box itself was light pink, and the ribbons were red and lined with gold. Bandana Dee wondered where Kirby even obtained the materials.

"Well—uh," he said nervously, "I didn't get anything for you—it wasn't that I didn't think of you, I mean—I've been very busy in the castle, and we don't usually get presents for each other—"

"People say Christmas is about giving, not receiving," Kirby said, nodding sagely. "Which, by the way, I do believe is false. Christmas is about Christmas. But that was just in case you're one of those people."

"Oh. I don't really celebrate Christmas. No one in the castle does."

Kirby tilted his head and nodded, as if he was absorbing the information carefully. Judging by that, he probably wasn't aware of the fact Bandana Dee had just brought up. But it wasn't like Bandana Dee could or would blame him for it, anyway. If you weren't a minion in the castle, you _really_ wouldn't understand what went on in there.

"Well, then, open it!" Kirby trilled after a moment. "It's not a bomb, trust me. I don't know how to make bombs, and the ones from that copy ability doesn't last if I trash it the ability. And I'm clearly not wearing a hat right now—"

"I think I'll open it when I get back," replied Bandana Dee uneasily.

" _Hey_ , why not now?"

"It's... just... it's kind of rude to open presents in front of the person who gave it to you."

Bandana Dee did not mention that he was afraid that if he had a look at the gift, he'd be tempted to give it back there and then.


	37. Roasting of Plums

**22 March 2016**

 _The first update of the year is in March!_ Late March. _Apologies? I guess? Not that it really makes anyone feel better?_

 _This is probably incentive to get an FFN account so you can follow instead of having to suffer and check back for it every day. Also, so I can spam you. Although that is definitely not my ulterior motive i dont know what youre talking about._

 _First thing I've written since last year so it might be. well. Crap. I should hire someone to insult me to get me to update._

 _Disclaimer: I don't know how roasting works and I've never eaten a roasted plum but please don't try to eat a cancerous plum or a cancerous anything, it's too early for me to be an indirect-murder murderer._

* * *

37\. Roasting

 _of plums in a fully-alive volcano crater._

* * *

Kirby loved picnics. Kirby loved picnics with friends. Kirby loved picnics with friends _at the most obscure places_.

"Kirby," Bandana Dee started in his most careful, most cautious, most wary, most I-must-not-offend-anyone tone, "picnics are _very_ lovely, but…"

"But?"

But they were at the top of the volcano at the edge of the hole, which happened to lead to the Red Pool of Non-Bloody Doom.

It happened suddenly—Kirby ordered his Suffer Squad to deenap (minionnap?) Bandana Dee _again_ and flew them all the way over to… actually, Bandana Dee didn't know. But it was rude! Incredibly rude! ...To suddenly capture him. _Definitely_ not because Bandana Dee was basically crying and blowing snot through the entire fifteen-second ride to the other side of the world— _no_ , _definitely_ not. Not because the capsule js snickered at him for it. What are you even talking about? Are you okay? Do you have a fever?

Actually, did puffballs or waddle dees or anything bleed when they fell into lava? Or—did _carnivorous plants_ even die when they fell into lava? Normal plants were a sure goner; the way Kirby was worshipping the soil those monsters even lay themselves on made Bandana Dee unsure. Or maybe Kirby was one of those religious, strong-faith believers who made sacrifices of chicken poop every day.

"But?" Kirby repeated, eyes large with (probably feigned) innocence and curiosity. "But what? What's this? Oh, Bandana Dee! I get it now! You're afraid!"

That triggered Bandana Dee's alarm, and he straightened himself and sat right upright, half-devoured and very-disgusting sandwich dropping on the bare picnic mat. Did Kirby just—? Did Kirby just get something _right_ for once? Was this real? Kirby, who never ever cared about others, or seemed not to care, or maybe actually cared too much, was getting something right? Was Bandana Dee hallucinating because of the sweltering, sweltering heat? Were pigs really flying?

"Of picnics!"

(Five seconds had passed. The sandwich made an almighty risk for Bandana Dee's train of thoughts, and its great sacrifice would be remembered.)

(...Probably.)

"Kirby," Bandana Dee started in his most careful, most cautious, most wary, most I-must-not-offend-anyone tone, _again_ , "it's not the picnic I'm worried about—okay, it kind of is, but—it's the mat. I mean—not the—it's the location I'm scared about."

If they were away from the crater and down the volcano a little, Bandana Dee wouldn't mind, but the fact that the corner of the picnic mat _was hanging down into the crater_ was enough for—yeah. It was just _enough_.

What was the appeal of eating by an alive, bubbling, gonna-kill-you-with-heat lava—erm, Red Pool of Non-Bloody-But-Possibly-Bloody Pool, again?

"Bandana Dee," Kirby drawled, mocking Bandana Dee's previous tone, "you have to face your fears _someday_."

Did Kirby get what Bandana Dee was actually concerned about? ...Actually, knowing Kirby, he probably did right off the bat. He was just being… a… annoying-butt buttock.

"Besides, there's a pro to everything!" Suddenly leaping up, Kirby balanced on the tips of his rounded red feet and swung down to pick something out of the only picnic basket. Bandana Dee didn't have time to have a look at it—the purple blur shot off towards the centre of the crater. "Du!"

His first thoughts were: _Is he trying to skip purple stones in lava?_ When a yellow form bolted out of nowhere and swooped in to catch the purple stone at the speed of Bandana Dee's paranoid thoughts formations, it progressed into _WAAAAAAAAAH_ —

"Roasted plums are nice when they're toasted by natural lava!" Kirby enthused, holding up the probably-burning and now-black… plum.

Bandana Dee was too appalled to suggest it was probably very cancerous.


	38. Spying of Knights

**1 May 2016**

 _Disclaimer: I wrote this with no particular aim in mind so it feels pointless n stuff. I think I forgot how to write but it's okaY. Continuation of this in the next chapter if I remember._

 _This chapter is so vague and bad I don't think I even properly mentioned what they're doing. I'm just going to leave it up to your imagination._

 _If I don't finish these 50 chapters before this story's one year anniversary I will change my display picture to a tomato and leave it for 50 days._

* * *

38\. Spying

 _of unfriendly knights by hooting owls._

* * *

"—I don't remember agreeing to this."

Tap, tap, tap.

"Actually, I don't even know _why_ I am allowing myself to be forced to associate myself with you."

Bandana Dee looked up from his gaze that had previously been stuck on the ground, because crawling ants and flying dirt was the most interesting thing alive. He had some sagely, sagely advice that had been carefully repeated through the years of his life, since childhood:

"Do not bother arguing with Kirby."

Instantly, the masked figure beside him hurled him a livid glare. Bandana Dee squeaked, shrinking back, betting on his life that those carnivorous plants could be considered _cute_ next to the knight.

Pressured, he desperately grabbed to change the subject. "That's a very nice bag you're holding—uh—it suits you. I guess." Yes! He wasn't completely hopeless—he was _vaguely_ aware of Meta Knight carrying something in his hands, probably something Kirby foisted onto him—

" _Excuse_ me?"

"Excused?" After all, _excuse me_ was commonly used in the castle when someone sneezed or... farted. You know. Saying "excused" back was courtesy in the castle. ...Wait a moment—

Bandana Dee looked down at the bag.

It was pink and lined with red ribbons.

 _Uh._

Meta Knight made a sound akin to... a... carnivorous plant? A carnivorous plant about to eat you? Did carnivorous plants even make any sounds..? He put his glove on the grip of his sword—oh, right, Bandana Dee ought to start running—

"If you think I am going to tolerate your—"

Instantly, the figure in front of them whirled around. "Meta!" Kirby shrilled, with the voice of a naggy, scolding mother. "You're being mean to Band-Aid! How could you do that?! He's your fellow picnic-fearing friend!"

Meta Knight: " _What_."

Bandana Dee, confused: "'Fellow'?"

"The both of you are terrified of picnics, and I'm here to solve that." Meta Knight opened his mouth to object. " _Don't_ , Meta. Everyone knows you're scared of socialising, and picnics include socialising. So it's the same thing. Everyone has their fears, but these fears of important life skills must be overcome one day!"

Bandana Dee was about to question that, when Meta Knight, clearly bothered, retorted, "I am _not_ afraid of socialising."

"No, you are. I have owl spies all over the place, and the pink one went to me all, ' _Hoot hoot!_ ' And that means 'Meta Knight is a social loser'. Hence, you are afraid of socialising."

"That is the most _broken_ conclusion I have ever heard—"

"How is picnicking a life skill?" Bandana Dee instantly inquired, very politely interrupting Meta Knight. It earned him a glare, but that was about it.

Kirby stroked his chin as if he were a sage—those with the long, white beards that were probably combed and gelled into shape. "Happiness."

"Um—"

" _Happiness_."

"Joy," Meta Knight said dryly.

Eyes sparkling, Kirby whipped to face Meta Knight. "I'm glad you're finally learning, Meta!"


	39. Bread Juice of Threats

**7 June 2016**

 _I was originally going to cut this chapter in half, seeing as how it's 1.3k words_ _—then I remembered it's been a_ month _since the last update so. So no cutting in half. I'm A Nice Person. (TM)_

 _Kirby's a very good friend, in my opinion. How many friends plan a picnic all by themselves and bring all the food and let you eat it? About none. You only find those types of friends in stories._

 _Meanwhile, I'm the type of friend who doodles all over my deskmate's notes if she's absent. I'm A Nice Person. (TM)_

* * *

39\. Bread Juice

 _of threats that are actually nonexistent._

* * *

If there's one thing everyone's learnt from reading this, it's that Kirby was completely unpredictable. So were his picnic-location decisions. By the volcano? Done that already. Up the snowy mountains? Oh, that's my favourite! On some sand dune? That's _so_ yesterday.

It's also what Bandana Dee had picked up. Bandana Dee had picked up a lot of things about Kirby. He was a good child who was attentive to his friends' needs.

So when Kirby brought them to a very reasonable spot under a tree, by a lake, in Cookie Country, Bandana Dee believed his reaction was justified.

"Wait, _here_?" Kirby nodded, puffing up his chest and looking all proud. Bandana Dee gave a blank-faced expression—as blank faced as a waddle dee could look, at least—and surveyed the surroundings. Calm lake, nice tree, nice spot. Where was the lie? "Really? Here? That's all? No secrets?"

"Bandana Dee, you're _such_ a worrywart," huffed Kirby, looking mildly offended. The picnic basket dropped from his hands and landed onto the red-and-white checkered mat laid on the grass. Bandana Dee's eyes drifted over to it—maybe the picnic basket was the lie. Maybe! "You're always thinking of impossible things! First it was _sharks eating Kirby in the ocean_. Then it was not being able to retaliate against a lovely talking flower because of your lack of involvement in the bullying arts. And _now_ —now it's the danger of pretty places? I could write a book about that! In fact, I _will_ write a book about that!"

That… That made sense. As in—As in the bit about the danger of pretty places. It made sense. _Kirby made sense_.

"Are you okay?" Bandana Dee quizzed, oozing with concern. "Do you have a fever? Should I bring you to the doctor? I can bring you to the one in the castle, since Great King hasn't been minding your presence—"

After listening to their conversation up until that point, Meta Knight finally decided to contribute. "What is so unnatural about this place? It is a typical picnicking spot."

Bandana Dee cast Meta Knight a scandalized look.

Already sitting on the mat, flipping open the flaps of the basket, the pink puffball was tossing out transparent, plastic containers holding food. Bandana Dee wasn't even sure how it was possible, but even with the nonchalant way they were being thrown, the plastic containers landed upright. Unscathed. Like a cat jumping from a tall height. Some sort of talent.

When Bandana Dee sat down, Kirby was halfway done with stuffing a strawberry shortcake into his mouth. White whipped cream was in messy streaks across his mouth. Blinking, his blue gaze flickered at Bandana Dee. And then behind Bandana Dee—where Meta Knight was. Then back to Bandana Dee.

"I thought you guys would be more panicked! Are you scared of picnics? Picnic panics!"

"I am _not_ scared of picnics," Meta Knight vehemently protested. Bandana Dee knew the situation was beyond salvation, so he just dug out a sandwich because he was a boring dee. Because sandwiches are boring.

"Maybe it's because you haven't started eating yet!"

" _Try me_."

A truffle fry went hurtling towards Meta Knight's face—well, mask.

Cursing as he flinched, Meta Knight grabbed it before it hit the unhygienic picnic mat. Lifting it to eye level, it was inspected like an alien fry from alien space. " _What_ is this _oily_ —"

"You've never seen a truffle fry before!" Kirby sounded _horrified_. The type of horror when you've been doing a project on a computer and it doesn't auto-save and the computer—well—crashes. Yes—that kind of horror. " _Bless_ you. Even Bandana Dee's better than that."

Bandana Dee masked his offence by cramming half the sandwich into his mouth—an impossible feat.

Of course, before Meta Knight can even digest the first sentence out of Kirby's mouth, the pink puffball was already cannon-balling out the next few lines. "So, you're wondering, 'why a truffle fry'? Well, that has a very simple answer! Although I know you can't get it, Meta Knight, since you don't _get_ things. Well, actually, you get a lot of things—but not jokes! Never jokes. But this one has a simple answer, so if you don't understand it, I'm disappointed! So _you_ said 'try me', and the word 'try' is made out of the first letter of—! Of? Guess what of! ...Truffle! T from truffle. The next one should be easy because I've already answered part A for you. If the 'T' from 'try' comes from truffle, what about the 'R' and 'Y'? That's—it comes from 'fry', Meta Knight! The last two letters! How can you not get that? I gave you so much time to think!"

Meta Knight opened his mouth to reply. Then closed it. Opened it again. Close. Open. Close. Then finally stayed on close. Twisting his gaze to Bandana Dee, a golden eye visibly twitched. Bandana Dee could only nod understandingly and shake his head right after, as in: _no, I can't help you._

For some dangerous reason or other, Kirby had completely stopped gorging on his cake—or what was left of his cake. Which was the strawberry. (Kirby was the kind to pluck it off the cake and eat it for the last. Bandana Dee knew that. He was a good child who was attentive to his friends' needs.) The very dangerous bit came from the fact that Kirby was staring at Meta Knight's face—mask—like a mystery.

Maybe it was because Kirby was wondering what Meta Knight looked like without the mask? Bandana Dee sure didn't know what he looked like. Had Kirby seen it before? Or—Or was his face… or was the mask actually his _face_? What if it had been that way the whole time and it wasn't a mask? What if—

"Right! I forgot!" Kirby squealed, then attacked his picnic basket. Dropping his half-eaten sandwich onto the picnic mat, Bandana Dee jumped up in alarm. "I brought Meta Knight something! I brought Meta Knight homemade bread juice!"

 _What._

Kirby held up the black thermos like a prize. Meta Knight's expression was unreadable.

"Here! Go on, try it. I put bread in the blender along with some milk and—"

"I'm leaving." Meta Knight got up and spun around. Bandana Dee had never seen someone do it so quickly.

"Nope, you're not!" Kirby crowed after him. Waggling the thermos hauntingly like a threat, he added, "Either you drink it, or you agree to term me your friend. Or ally, or whatever, or anything that makes knights feel cool and honourable and all that. So?"

He got a sideways glare. "And what if I choose neither?"

"Then, I'll dismantle the Halberd." That put an obvious freeze in Meta Knight's rejection. Kirby was savage. (Bandana Dee already knew that, though.) "You know I can, right? And I can take those robust, vital parts of the Halberd that never break along with me, so you won't be able to rebuild it. And you can't find those materials in Pop Star, right?"

Silence. "...Fine. I agree."

"To? To what? Both? That's awfully generous!"

"The _second_ one!" Meta Knight shot back heatedly, and then stormed off in a hurry.

Sitting back down, Bandana Dee picked up his sandwich and took a bite out of it. Hygiene was the least of his concerns. "That… That was morally questionable."

Kirby shrugged, sitting back down and looking content. "I don't usually do it, but Meta Knight's a big tsundere, so he needs a lot of prodding to admit he has a friend." (Or ally, or whatever, or anything that makes knights feel cool and honourable and all that.) "Now! Want some?" Kirby pushed the thermos to Bandana Dee.

"Bread juice? No, thank you—"

"It's not bread juice, _silly_. It's just water. Meta Knight doesn't ever confirm facts when he's threatened." Kirby twisted the cap off in a swift motion, revealing the transparent, very water-like liquid inside. "See?"

Bandana Dee felt particularly relieved—then threatened again.

How many times had Kirby pulled this sort of thing on Bandana Dee?


	40. Cleaning of Houses

**10 August** **2016**

 _I would ask who missed me although if I do there will probably be a rotten tomato thrown somewhere along the way._

 _I had this written in July and there is actually a legitimate reason why I didn't post it, but it's too long to explain so never mind._

 _Review so I have a reason to spam someone's inbox, by the way. Haven't done that in a while. Withdrawal symptoms._

* * *

40: Cleaning

 _of houses that used to be perpetually hopeless._

* * *

Artists often titled their works, didn't they? Something profound to make the art piece more intricate and intriguing and intoxicating and all those other—what? Your art pieces don't have a title? What are you talking about?

Bandana Dee was no artist himself, he could clearly declare. His castle identification card had his occupation printed out as "Minion" and his village identification card labelled him "Castle Scum". (They were the same thing in the end, so there was no confusion there.) He _did_ doodle here and there, but they were mostly just incomplete, furry, spineless sketches. But he did title them. ("Thing One", "Thing Two", "Rare Nice Thing One", "Fail Two-Thousand-and-Three",  &c.)

He did pride himself at being good at naming things, though. If the castle was a piece of art? "Upturned Image". The Halberd? "Unanticipated Escapism". The interior of Kirby's house? _Carnage_.

If someone looked into Kirby's house and another said that a civil war had taken place inside there, they might be believed.

There was no such thing as stepping on flat ground in Kirby's house.

When questioned on how he got from position to position in his house, Kirby had blinked and tilted his head. "You just… walk over?"

Impossible.

By then, it wasn't a secret, but Bandana Dee _did_ enjoy heading over to Kirby's. He had more than one friend back at the castle, but one was constantly sleepy and the other yelled too much about the philosophy of cabbages. (Lettuce, too, occasionally.)

"Kirby, are you in?" If he knocked on the door, would it collapse? It looked new, but looks were horribly deceitful. The stall looked as run-down as ever, but the plowed field was dotted with green in neat rows. Bandana Dee didn't know Kirby's schedule; rather, he didn't _have_ one. He went out and socialised purely on whims. He did a lot of things on whims. Only important things were unrestricted from that condition.

The door opened two seconds after Bandana Dee called out. Pink filled the doorway. "Bandana Dee!" he basically _squealed_. "This is amazing! I didn't have to call the mobile corps to get you! And my shop isn't even open!"

"I've come here myself before, though—"

" _Elation_!"

Bandana Dee did not make any attempt to reply. Kirby was already jittery with excitement and bouncing off the curved walls of the small room, narrowly missing the lamp after every contact.

...Something was very different, Bandana Dee felt, when he walked through the doorway to the unexpectedly neatly tiled wooden boards. (Kirby was throwing the fridge open and hauling a plastic bag of food out.) He sat against the wall on the floor, right next to the door where it would slam into his face if it was flung open.

Wait—he sat down.

On the floor.

"You… cleaned up your room?" Bandana Dee _did_ realise it was one of those very stupid questions, but he was too busy peering at the stack of bed sheets piled beside the cupboard, pencils bundled up in a ceramic cylinder, and the book entitled _Zero-day_ on his desk. (Although, he didn't see any computers.)

"Hm? Oh, that—I was trying to find my mattress, and I thought it got lost under everything so I went to clear it all up! _Then_ I remembered I left it outside to let it sun for a while." Kirby pranced over, plastic bag rustling in tow, and scooted next to Bandana Dee. "I don't know why you don't sit in one of my chairs, but that's unimportant. Eat!" And then proceeded to stuff his own face with (raw) sweet potatoes.

Bandana Dee would've made an exasperated comment, but he had once combed the entire castle looking for his bandana while it was on his head. Instead, he just quietly dipped his hand inside the bag and tried not to make himself feel so awkward.


	41. Baking of Pancakes

**25 August 2016**

 _I actually went around asking for the weirdest thing somebody's cooked in my class. No one provided anything particularly great, so you have the best idea they had.  
_

 _Something lame._

Meow (Guest) _: Answered. I missed Meow too.  
Review responses on each chapter should be short, but yep—it's typical Band-Aid action because it is the unmotivated period of time. The capsule js will make a return. I have not forsaken them.  
_ _As always—thanks for reviewing! :)_

* * *

41: Baking

 _of pancakes with hot chocolate powder mixed inside._

* * *

Dedede hadn't been disturbed in days. Maybe months. Maybe years. Maybe he had been disturbed every day and just got accustomed to it. Life was tough, wasn't it? He'd never know.

Why would he call it boring? Well—all he was doing the past few days was sitting on his throne and keeping track of the villagers' activities and eating on his throne and getting his servants to clean up the monster of a mess he left behind.

What? That was what he normally did every day? That's a _lie_.

Hm? He was missing the company of something circular and pink? _That's a lie._

Anyway, the most definite thing was that Dedede hadn't been disturbed in days. Huh? He was meant to be happy that his everyday schedule wasn't being thrown left and right and turned topsy-turvy and stepped on and crushed to pieces? That wasn't how it worked. Not in Castle Dedede. Clearly, you have no idea how it works in here. Fool.

No, Dedede wasn't happy when he found the pink puffball donning a chef hat and flinging around bottles of pancake mix and packets of hot chocolate powder. Not at all. You're delusional.

"What are you doing here?" Dedede demanded, trying to sound upset and annoyed but trying to sound happy and relieved at the same time so Kirby wouldn't want to leave immediately. (No, he didn't want to keep Kirby here. You're ridiculous.)

Kirby jumped off the table and landed into a mountain of flour. Where were all the chefs? ...Actually, never mind, that was a stupid question. They were probably all cowering from the savage ball of fluff.

"It's time for the popular variety show: Midnight Snacks with Kirby!"

"It's three in the afternoon."

"Dedede," Kirby said in a grave voice, casting the king a solemn look, "it's always midnight if you just _believe_."

"It's also never midnight if you believe," Dedede bit back.

Stare. Blink. Then a sagely nod. "I'm very glad to see you've understood all my lessons thus far. They are not in vain."

" _What_."

"Come. Let us cook hot chocolate powder pancak—whoa!"

Kirby slipped on the stray powder littered from the mountain of flour. He glared at it like it was offensive. Which it was. You should never make Kirby slip, or you're vulgar and offensive.

"You should really clear up when you cook, Dedede. It's only a good habit."

"Didn't _you_ make that mess?"

Silence meant yes.

"Okay, so here, we turn on the stove and"—Kirby spun the dial around and a flame erupted from the stove"—then we pour the pancake mix… probably. Then we dump hot chocolate powder in, probably—"

Dedede dove forward and shoved Kirby aside. "Turn it _down_!"

"Turn it _up_!" Kirby whined, jumping up and dusting powder off his face with his stubby hands. Dedede rolled his eyes and spun the dial to a reasonable fire. A reasonable fire that was much, much, smaller than Kirby's. "It's insta-pancakes. The bigger the fire, the faster they cook."

"That's… no."

"Whatever. You're _so_ lame."

Twisting the cap off the cartons, Kirby lifted one of them over the pan. "Three, two—"

"How big is one of them gonna be?" Dedede asked idly, sitting on a chair a few metres away from the crime scene.

"—one!"

And the whole jug went in.

Jumping out of his seat: "Wait, wait, _stop_ , that's not how you—"

"Gigantic pancakes! Gigantic pancakes!" Kirby whooped excitedly, running backwards and snagging a packet of hot chocolate powder off the table. Ripping the seal cleanly off the top, the entire of its contents went spilling into the oversized and undercooked pancake.

"That's not how you—" Dedede struggled to say something, but found that he could do nothing. The batter couldn't actually be poured _back_ into the jug. Instead, he went to retrieve a metal spatula, holding it by its wooden handle.

He dug at the tip of the cooked batter, but Kirby instantly screeched like a banshee. "Stop! _Stop_! What are you doing?"

"I'm flipping the damn pancake!"

"No! Oh my gosh! You don't flip it! You wait for it to burn and catch fire! Right?"

"That's not right _at all_ —"

* * *

The pancakes were salvaged in the end.

"This was a great decision," Kirby decided, peeling his half-burnt white chef hat off his head. "We should do this more often."

Dedede poked at the pancake that was twice the size of his normal plate. They had employed the use of not one, but _two_ plates to keep it from the table. It was still edible, because Dedede managed to flip it in the end.

"Aren't you going to eat it?" the penguin prompted, trying to sound sour but not at all sour inside.

" _Yes_ ," Kirby affirmed graciously, and tore the pancake apart with his nonexistent teeth.

The fluffy, cooked batter ripped into two and gave way for the still-clean-looking hot chocolate powder inside. Dedede let his eye twitch at the appearance of it.

"It's good, Dedede. It is _very_ good. Maybe I shouldn't let the pancakes burn next time. Although they still taste nice if they're burnt and black."

"It's common sense."

Dedede would never, not even on the pain of death, admit that the pancakes did taste unusually good.


	42. Playing of Makeshift Chess

**27 October 2016**

 _I have nothing to say to redeem myself since everybody knows that I am struggling with a lack of inspiration for this._

Meow (Guest): _Thanks for the review with four too many science-science words. (lol)_

* * *

42: Playing

 _a chess of the natural environment._

* * *

"Your turn."

"Wait, really? I wasn't paying attention! What did you move?"

" _This_ one. From _here_ to _here_."

"...Oh! Oh. Is that a checkmate? ...No, it isn't. Righty. Okay. Then, I'll… er… maybe… nah." Rustle. "Okay, there! Is _that_ a checkmate yet?"

"No." Crunch.

"...Hey, you win—Hey, you _cheated_!" Kirby jumped up from his position of butt-squashing the grass—otherwise known as sitting down—and folded his stubs as much as he could with a cross (?) expression.

Across the grid—that was simply dirt that had been divided up into squares with a nearby, sharp twig—Meta Knight heaved a sigh for the hundred-and-twenty-sixth time that hour. "How, pray tell, did I cheat, when you were watching me the entire time?"

"I don't know, that's what _I_ want to ask you. How did you cheat when I was watching you the entire time?!"

...Amazing. Meta Knight knew Kirby was keeping up the childish facade for several different unimportant-and-important and significant-and-insignificant and major-and-minor reasons, but it was honestly… _very_ tiring. Not that he could do anything about it if he didn't want Halberd intestines strewn halfway across the galaxy and further.

Gently scooping up the dried leaves that made a cracking protest when he prodded them, Meta Knight rolled his eyes (although no one could see that because rolling-of-eyes was an invisible action for puffballs.) "I did not cheat, but—"

"Kirby!" a high voice rang out, accompanied with the clanking of metal and another unfamiliar material. Head peeping out over the edge of the hill, a blue bandana was shadowed by the looming Sun. "Er—I brought food, like you asked, but there wasn't any pre-made dishes in the kitchen, and we ran out of canned food, so I had to cook some—yeah, that's why I'm so late—"

"Band-Aid!" Shrieking like a delighted child, Kirby had shot across the distance between his seat and in front of Bandana Dee before any blinks could be compared to. " _Food_! Did you get tomatoes? Did you get curry? Did you get _tomatoes_?"

"Both—I got both—" Bandana Dee's mouth (?) clamped shut when he saw Meta Knight. "You didn't tell me he was coming."

"Who? Meta Knight? Did that really matter?" Swiping a dangling metal lunchbox from Bandana Dee's grip, Kirby lifted the lid and peeked at its contents. "Anyways, he eats candy, and I told you to bring candy. So, if you did bring it, then he'll eat."

Bandana Dee frowned, rubbing a plastic box unconsciously. "I _did_ bring a few… not a lot… are you sure he eats..?"

"Believe, Bandana Dee." Kirby nodded wisely, skipping back to his spot opposite Meta Knight by the naturally-made chessboard.

"If you believe all his mounds of lies, that is pathetic," Meta Knight said sharply, but did not outright deny his pathetic preference of… candies.

Ignoring Meta Knight (which was doing said knight a favour, since he probably didn't want a humble dee staring at the not-so-humble action of chowing down candy), Bandana Dee tottered over to have a glance at what Kirby and Meta Knight were engaging in moments before. After acknowledging it once, he proceeded to move on— _wait_ a moment.

Before firing his question, Bandana Dee peeked over to look at Kirby. He was stuffing his face with the Delights of the World. Good time to ask, then. (Bandana Dee had manners.) "What's… What's this, Kirby?"

"If you wanted to know, you could've asked me as well," Meta Knight muttered, a forced grudging tone behind his voice. Bandana Dee hadn't realised Meta Knight had wanted to make friends _that_ much.

"It's," Kirby chirped, "chess."

Scratching the dirt and throwing fallen leaves all over it could be called _chess_? Okay, the leaves _were_ all each situated on a different panel, but… "Oh, okay." Things like those were a normal with Kirby. "But they all look the same. How do you tell the difference between black and white?"

Immediately, Kirby puffed his chest out in a false arrogant manner. "The leaves that are winning are mine!"

"No, we are both outstanding at memorisation. It's one similarity that I, unfortunately, cannot avoid."

"Having a similarity in common with the great I—that's a privilege."

If Bandana Dee had to compare them to something, it would probably be arguing children. "Oh. Well. Er… How do you tell the pieces apart, then? Unless it's great memory again."

"No," Meta Knight said flatly, "the queen has the most number of veins and the pawn the least."

Nodding vehemently in agreement, Kirby added, "Simple Mathematics."

Bandana Dee blinked over the makeshift chess set on ce more and scooted a little away from it.


	43. Scouting of Danger

**27 December 2016**

 _...Merry late Christmas? It is TechnoClaus._

 _Unsaid but screaming is a good distraction tactic in fierce battles._

Meow (guest): _...Meow is adorable. (laughs)_

* * *

43: Scouting

 _of danger that includes everyday entertainment structures._

* * *

"Kirby, I appreciate the fact that you trust me enough to bring me along to a 'world-changing location' and that you trust in my abilities more than Great King does and that I was the first person to come to your mind when you needed help, but…"

"Band-Aid, your loyal tirade warms me to the heart. Tell me anything!"

"I'm. Uh. Scared of clowns."

During one of Bandana Dee's patrols, Kirby had sprung out of a bush like a jack in the box and snagged him by the back of his blue bandana, which also happened to be something akin to his _skin_. Bandana Dee had two seconds to scream before the somehow-a-hero claimed he received permission from the Great King of Greatest Kings to drag the first-in-command of the almighty waddles. It shut Bandana Dee up until they arrived, just having emerged from a less-than-friendly forest, and then Bandana Dee was close to screaming again.

What currently stood before them was a tattered, red-and-white tent with a telltale clown face structure as the cherry on top.

Glancing over it nonchalantly, Kirby just commented, "A lot of people are."

True. But. Well. "I am exceptionally so."

When Bandana Dee saw Kirby approaching the death tent like it wasn't probably full of chainsaws and butcher knives, he suppressed a gurgle and followed after on the tips of his feet. When they were a few footsteps away from the flap of the tent, Bandana Dee finally choked out, "I don't think it's a good idea."

Tilting his head like he didn't understand—he definitely didn't—Kirby turned around. "Why?"

Almost squawking at Kirby's loud voice, in a frenzy, Bandana Dee placed a stub over where his mouth would be and the other was flailing around like a bird about to be mowed over. "Do you even know what's inside the tent?"

"No. That's why I'm gonna find out."

" _Why_."

Huffing in absurdly clear annoyance, Kirby turned fully around to face Bandana Dee, brows angled downwards disappointingly. Bandana Dee would recognise this expression anyway, and he dreaded it. It was a sign from the heavens and Kirby himself that a deliberately long tangent of nothing worth listening to was about to descend.

"Because that's what heroes _do_ , Bandana Dee. All my life all I've ever been doing is floating around in t he universe _saving worlds_. Correct. Not just this world, but _multiple_. _Many_ worlds. I wouldn't be able to count them all. And how many times? Lots. It's only my heroic intuition that was built off heroic hero adventures that tells me that every single circus place that I see needs to be investigated. Because, trust me, every circus house I've been in has only lead to _progress_ in my _adventure_. You can find all sorts of weird things. Like star pieces or ship parts or whatever. So. By entering circuses, you can. _Only_. _Profit_."

"Okay," Bandana Dee agreed immediately. Not because he understood, just because he didn't want Kirby to go on even _longer_. Circuses were doughnut holes to Kirby, indeed.

Then something with absurdly colourful cheeks stuck its head out from the flap of the tent.

"Hm? Wuzz going on here? Are you guyz cuzto—"

Bandana Dee's scream was accompanied by the quick thrust of his spear.


	44. Gifting of Garden Supplies

**1 January 2017**

 _Happy New Year. It's a short chapter. I didn't want to have another 3-month break before writing again. (laughs)_

 _My favourite part of January is Chinese New Year. I like money and I'm not gonna be an adult for a while. Better grab as much as I can._

Meow (guest): _I figured. Only Meow types reaaaaaally long reviews. Funny ones! Ho w d'you know when I update, anyway? Is it magic? It is, isn't it?  
_ _E is for Eldritch. There is nothing more horrifying than a cute, pink puffball traversing through space and time, murdering quadrillions._

* * *

44: Gifting

 _of garden supplies that did not quite fulfill its proper use._

* * *

The clock read 00:00. Bandana Dee ultimately preferred the 24-hour reading.

"I wonder what I was thinking exactly one year ago."

"Philosophical!" Kirby cooed, flicking the multi-coloured cube's rows round and round aimlessly. "I know what _I_ was thinking of. _I_ was thinking of Bob and his three cousins. Yep, I'm sure that was what I was thinking about… I can't solve this. It's mean and a _bully_."

What was Bandana Dee expecting with Kirby? "I think I was mulling over your Christmas gift. And the fact that we don't get any snow. Great King went to White Wafers for Christmas so I was left in charge and couldn't leave."

"Ah, my Christmas gift from last-last year! How did you like it? The shovel?"

Should Bandana Dee mention it was beautifully useful when he was employed for plumbing duty? "...It's really helpful. Thank you."

Kirby flicked a few more rows before whining and passing it to Bandana Dee, who began spinning it to solution. "What about last year's? I got you… um… fertiliser! I got you the white ones, right?"

 _That_ had ended up as convincing fake snow on the large Christmas Tree in the castle. "That was useful, too."

Bandana Dee passed the completed cube back to the pink puffball, who awed and marvelled at it from all angles before taking it into his own hands and messing it up once more, bouncing on Bandana Dee's bed like he was trying to break the springs.

"So, I'm the _best_ Santa, right?"

"Yeah." Saviour of Bandana Dee's budget when it came to supplies.

"Great! What do you want this year? I've run out of ideas. I think." Kirby swiped the rows left, right, up, down, and then produced cube, each face only having a single colour. "I'd like to see the plants you're growing with what I've given you!"

Squirming, Bandana Dee quickly blurted out, "They haven't grown yet. Why did you ask me to solve it when you can do it yourself?" Could Band-Aid perfect the topic-hop skill?

"I just wanted to see you do it. 'Cause you wouldn't have if I outright asked you if you knew I could." Bandana Dee's expression soured, and Kirby beamed, placing the cube in the centre of the bed proudly. "So? What do you want? Multi-coloured pebbles? They make good decorations if you layer them on the soil!"

Bandana Dee glanced at the pot growing blades of grass on the table by the window. "...A fake plant."


	45. Juicing of Veg and Gas

**2 January 2017  
**

 _...It is TechnoDee who accidentally added salt to her coffee instead of sugar._

 _Please pass me a bottle of red ink._

 _School reopens tomorrow so I don't know about the update schedule. The beautiful update consistency is unique to this author only._

 _Meow (guest): Steel-types are the only important ones.  
In the games, Kirby's favourite food is tomato. In the anime, it's watermelon. Their insides are both red. One plus one equals three.  
Everything in Kirby has a soul.  
(I'm not sure how to respond to your review on the oneshot but I Will Find A Way.) Curiously—how many languages do you know? (Apart from Cat-ish.)_

 _This is being translated into Chinese by DAYLIGHT0401! IT'S SUPER COOL. M HYPERVENTILATING. SINCE YESTERDAI The translation is being posted on baidu as of now—I'll post the link on my profile (mostly for posterity because I don't believe many Chinese people would be reading this English fic.)_

 _Here are my children. Wrote just a lil but I hope you get their personalities. They're my second favourites. No group will ever best my Minion orphans. ...Did I ever have any females in this story..? I'm usually not pressed for time but towards the ending I was._

* * *

45: Juicing

 _of broccoli and car-fodder._

* * *

"Thanks for always picking Bandana Dee up. You guys are _super_ fast."

"No prob! He's funny! He starts screaming a lot when we're in the air. I think he's really excited 'cause he normally can't fly on his own."

"No, De, I don't think that's why he screams."

"Then, why does he scream, Do?"

The seven capsule js were something like an anomaly around Dream Land. Some thought they were special sorts of mechanised birds when they were in their V-formation in the skies. Some thought they were UFOs. Some thought they were superstitions (and scoffed pretentiously). None were really quite wrong as they were right but it made little sense to the capsule js themselves. Thankfully, they had only heard one or two sentences about the public's rumours of them.

Kirby kept them safe like mechanised chicks.

"Don't ask stupid questions," Da snapped, cloth squeaking as it rubbed against the green eye shield. Instead of reacting offendedly, De squawked with laughter and plucked off her own eye shield.

"Don't be rude," Do chided lightly.

A petrol station had been abandoned along the outskirts of the village the castle overlooked simply because business hadn't been going well. A result of not being as developed as Kirby knew some other cities were. The wandering (hobo) capsule js settled down into the petrol station as their new home—and it wasn't like anyone was about to chase them out of an _abandoned_. _Petrol_. _Station_.

Kirby was insane and could probably make bombs out of potatoes but he was still a very good cook with a capital G. A capsule j's diet was strange but nothing the pink hero couldn't deal with. (What could he _not_ deal with?) Besides, shortly after he had befriended the king—although Dedede would never on the pain of death admit it—he had gotten Dedede to set up part of the petrol station back for the capsule js' survival.

Not that Kirby ever told them that.

He kept them safe like mechanised chicks.

Really.

"Di," Kirby sung. (If Bandana Dee were around, he'd have described the sound as one of those songs you'd play at a funeral.) "What colours does Du like again?"

The capsule j glanced up at Kirby for a brief second only to get one of his cheeks pulled by one of the twins—Dio and Deo. Still being children, they were considerably smaller but being twins had its perks when it came to pulling pranks, regardless of size.

"Green!" Di yelped back. "Deo, don't—ow, don't jab my eye with a _pencil_!"

Kirby hummed, choosing to ignore the babysitter of the twins. Green was for broccoli. Into the blender that went, then. Maybe one litre of gasoline? Maybe just half of that.

"How do you like my specially blended broccoli petrol concotion, Du? I don't think it's better than bread juice, but for some reason you guys really like gasoline."

"Because we're capsule js!" Da called out irritably.

The dumb Du could only roll his eye and ignore how feces-looking that _juice_ was beginning to look.


	46. Complaining of Cakes

**25 January 2017  
**

 _Sorry it's late. School hit me with homework like a sack of potatoes. I missed the fourth wall._

 _sorry it's not really a weird thing Kirby is doing anymore but I'm just trying to kick it in some direction_

 _Meow (guest): Correct but Kirby's not their master; he's their family friend who crashes at their house every day and bosses them around. No, that is not a master.  
I didn't know you played Disgaea. (laughs)_

* * *

46: Complaining

 _of cakes that definitely cannot exist as sentient beings._

* * *

"Band-Aid," rumbled a grave voice around two metres behind him, "I need to eat cake."

"...Cake? I'm not sure if there's any left. Our whole cake supply gave way after that Gourmet Race you and Great King held years back—"

"Doesn't matter! The cakes from your castle tastes like factory, anyway."

"They're _not_ factory-produ—"

"I want _real_ , _living_ , and _breathing_ cake!" Kirby whined, the squishing of grass ascending in volume before the pink puffball finally rolled into Bandana Dee's view. Bandana Dee didn't drop what he was knitting and instead cocked his head sideways. "Don't look at me like that! Cake is _justice_."

Cake was as justice as Kirby had said the same for many other foods before it. Still, remembering his mental note he had taken down months ago—never to argue with Kirby—Bandana Dee simply continued his task.

"Don't you dare ignore me, young man. Is that Dedede's fifteenth blanket you're knitting? I knew he somehow tore holes with his _beak_ , but I didn't think it would be that bad…"

"No, it's the twenty-first blanket… didn't you just eat cake yesterday?" It was a rhetorical question. Bandana Dee would not forget that Kirby had eaten cake yesterday because that cake had come in the very strange colour of _bright blue_. When quizzed on what it was, Kirby only stuffed his face with it.

"Um, yeah. But I need to do it more often here, 'cause even though they say I gorge on cakes in canon, the only thing they ever show me doing is beating lots of stuff up."

Bandana Dee could not find it in himself to chide the pink hero.

What pattern would Dedede like on his new blanket? Bandana Dee usually based them after food. The previous one had cookies stitched in brown patches all over against the cream wool—that was, until Dedede accidentally snipped it in half after trying to tame his plant's leafy shape. It could've been stitched back and that would've been that, but he insisted on a new one.

What pattern hadn't Bandana Dee done? He glanced over at Kirby who was burying himself in blades of grass and the occasional daisy. Tomatoes, perhaps. Or would the Great King get mad at the sight of those round, red fruits? Perhaps not tomatoes, after all.

"I've got it!" announced Kirby, and the pink puffball bounced off the ground like it was a trampoline. Rolling along the grass towards Bandana Dee, Kirby looked up from where half his face was planted in weeds. "A _picnic_."

That was an everyday idea of Kirby, though. "As long as it's not at Onion Ocean again, then—"

"Onion Ocean? Nah! Dedede's a penguin, but I think Meta doesn't like water, too! Just like you. Hm… he pretends to be all cool, but he really has so much in common with a minion dee like Bandana—"

"A picnic?" Bandana Dee perked up. The works-in-progress in his grip dropped onto the mat. "With Great King? And—ah—Sir Meta Knight?"

"Yeah? Hm—what do you think of those capsule js? Oh, wait, Da said they'll be busy for a while… guess I'll just ask Dedede and Meta."

Bandana Dee leaned forward, wide-eyed. "Would Great King come along, though?"

Kirby blinked upwards, ignoring their sudden close proximity. "Why wouldn't he? He likes eating, right? He's kinda fat. But he wouldn't say no to a picnic, probably—plus, he's our friend, so, there's no reason to turn us _down_."

"That may be—you call Great King our _friend_?"

"Yes? Why are you shrieking, Bandana Dee? ...Aha! It's because you don't know what a friend is, do you?"

Bandana Dee was reeling backwards onto the tree in excitement.

Poker-face streaking across his expression for a moment, Kirby's elated grin was back in a flash. "Well, then, I'll educate you! A friend is a—"


	47. Spinning of Roulettes

47: Spinning

 _of roulettes that apparently make good enough decisions if you're smart at it._

* * *

"Dedede, rate Bandana Dee on a scale of one to ten."

" _What_."

"I'll rate him eight. One because he's a waddle dee, and there are too many waddle dees. Two, because his name is… _Bandana Dee_. It's just one letter swap away from Badnana Dee."

Dedede cast Kirby a squinted-eye glance before gluing himself back to the cooking show.

"What? What's this? I'd say silence means consent, but this isn't even a yes-or-no question!" Kirby wound himself round to mirror Dedede's look in his face, but the king (?) ignored him. "Fine. I'll ask you a _simpler_ , yes-or-no question. How many years of education did you receive?"

"That ain't a yes-or-no question."

"It's close enough, right?"

"How many years of education did _ya_ receive?"

Kirby raised a brow and poised his stub under his face, adopting a musing expression. "Hm. That's a good question, but I'm an alien, so I don't _receive_ education."

"Sounds like a loada bull."

"You could not hope to understand the secrets of the universe, Dedede!"

Grudgingly, the king agreed with him silently.

Kirby's presence was a norm by now. Even the minions understood that for weeks and only spared the pink puffball so much as a glance before resuming the sweeping of floors or frying of fish. Or their cleaning of windows. Their chess games, sometimes. Their showers, too, although that didn't actually happen because Kirby had no place in a toilet. If the grumpy waddle doo guard—who had been promoted to The Head Guard of all head guards—would grumble about something and maybe swear a little at Kirby's presence, but no flashing death rays in the hero's direction.

"By the way, I was trying to decide on something for someone else, so I consulted a roulette." The topic change was also a norm.

Dedede raised a brow. What was a roulette again? The thing the waddle doo guard always threatened to bash people with? Wait, no—that was a slot machine. That circular spinny-thingy in one of the shoddier rooms the wheelies liked to play with? "And how did ya do that?"

"Well, if it landed on any number that wasn't a zero, the answer would've been yes."

Right, right. There were numbers on the circle. Dedede knew that. He _knew_ that.

"Hang on." Dedede cast Kirby a suspicious look. A very suspicious, very shady, very ya-sure-are-up-to-something look. "What did you… con-sult the roulette for?"

"Whether you would go on a picnic with me and Bandana Dee. Possibly Batty Knight, too."

"Well—"

"By the way, there aren't any zeroes on the roulette that _I_ have." Kirby jumped up with a proud grin that resembled a grin he would make right after he blended in with a couple of toadstools successfully. "It landed on a four!"

"I didn't agree on nothin'—"

"No, but the _Wheel of Fortune_ did, so it says you _will_! By the way, the pancakes your chefs make in the morning are really good. Maybe you could bring those?"

"I'm not even going to—" Pause.

" _Ya're_ the idiot who's been eating my _food_?!"


	48. Bribery of Underlings

48: Bribery

 _of the lowest tier there is in the castle._

* * *

"Meta, look!"

"I am looking."

"What? No, you're not. Do you have eyes on the back of your cape?"

"I am looking at Dream Land."

There was a long pause in which Meta Knight assumed he was meant to reflect on his actions and repent for his sins.

"Was that supposed to be a joke? Did Meta Knight just crack a joke? Never mind, actually. Sorry. Wrong address. I'll take my leave now. Goodbye."

Meta Knight slid the joystick forward. The Halberd's rumbling grew duller and the view of Dream Land below stopped scrolling. Then he tilted his head downwards, backwards a bit to acknowledge Kirby. Kirby and the obnoxiously large wooden cart of multi-coloured… things.

Kirby was obnoxiously pink, too, and that was too bright against the dark grey steel insides of the Halberd.

Pulling the cart forward by its rope, Kirby bounced sideways like he was presenting the front of it.

"I didn't see the Halberd land for a few days. Which means, since the Halberd doesn't have an abduction function, you haven't replenished your food source for a few days." Kirby nudged the cart forward again. Meta Knight leaned backwards. "I thoughtfully harvested the best of my fungi plantation for you!"

"You said you were leaving."

"Meta Knight, that's what a joke is. Don't you know what a joke is? Have you never made one yourself before?" Meta Knight resisted the urge to slam his mask against the closest thing. "This is why you don't have any friends. Oh! You have me, though!"

Momentarily, he considered spewing out the names of the Halberd crew just to swipe that almost mocking tone out of Kirby's voice away, then realised he'd sooner die than let them go embarrassingly teary-eyed over such a prospect. He settled for Kirby laughing at him instead.

Suddenly, Meta Knight looked at the giant cart and the fact that the Halberd was some kilometres above the ground geared in.

What even was Kirby—?

Kirby completely stilled out of nowhere. "Impossible."

Meta Knight felt his skin jolt. "What?"

"You know, when you're shocked to the point your vocabulary has been dumbed down to nothing, you say, 'impossible'—!"

"No, I meant, what?" Did he really have to start explaining expressions?

Kirby stared at him. "Meta, you huge idiot. You just said the same thing twice." Then he laughed again. "Well, this means that you've accepted that we're besties until we die! And you know what besties do, right? Riiiight?"

"Stop shimmying up to me. That's disgusting."

"They go on picnics. With more. Friends." Kirby looked at him dead in the eye with the level of seriousness equal to that of when they climbed up the steps to save Pop Star from imploding. Again. "In other words, you've already agreed to go on a picnic date with us. I knew you'd agree!" The way he beamed made his entire speech even more irritating.

Basically, it was impossible to follow Kirby's train of thought. Meta Knight had understood that from long ago. He blinked at Kirby's face, then at the closed exit. Then back at Kirby's face, then permanently away from it.

With lack of vocabulary, "Leave."

"That's an agreement if I've ever heard one." Glancing beyond Meta Knight and through the glass panel, Kirby squinted like he was trying to look for something. "A week from now! I'll come pick you up if you're lost! Bye-well!"

And then he spun right around and skipped off, automatic exit spiralling open for him.

Meta Knight stared hopelessly at the cart left behind.

Sailor Dee liked mushrooms, right?


	49. Picnics of Friendlies and Friendlesses

49: Picnics

 _of suspiciously normal food with extremely suspicious people._

* * *

"Dedede, I'm so glad you could make it today!"

"Y'dragged me outta my bed… pulled me all the way to the window, nearly ki—"

"Nearly kissed you? Don't be delusional, Dedede! I did nothing of that sort!"

Dedede sighed. "Whatever."

"I think he was going to say 'killed'," Bandana Dee offered. Kirby stared back in response like he already knew that by reading the stars late into the morning.

Originally, Dedede hadn't planned on going to Kirby's insane idea of a playdate, or whatever. Only then did he realise he didn't actually have any plans at all, and when he opened his door to go pee, he found Bandana Dee saluting on the opposite wall. When had he been standing there for? Oh, the past two hours. Why? I had patrolling duty but it was already taken, so I just stood outside of your room so there'd be absolutely no chance of anything bad happening.

Dedede had felt almost irked at how the coincidences lined up, but he dragged his pitiful head minion out for the picnic anyway.

"'M more surprised you could make that guy come."

Kirby cocked his head sideways. Dedede jerked his thumb at an object under the shade of a tree. It might've been impossible for a ball to curl up on itself and look like it wanted to die before, but now it was possible, and Meta Knight proved it so.

"Oh, Billy? Billy's always been there."

Dedede's face scrunched. "Who the hell is Billy?"

"The tree. Wasn't that who you were talking about?"

"He was talking about Sir Meta Knight, Kirby," Bandana Dee said placatingly.

"Meta? We're friends. Why wouldn't he accept an invitation from a friend?" Kirby flipped open the picnic basket nonchalantly. "He's just shy, though. That's why he's not coming over here yet."

"Yer saying he will?" Dedede found that hard to believe.

"He will. He'll come over closer and read a book and try to play off as being cool. I'll bet my cake on it." Kirby paused. "Actually, I wouldn't."

Suddenly, Dedede was scanning over the picnic box impatiently. "Yeah, yeah. So, you brought cake? Was that what you said?"

Kirby did a close-eyed nod, looking like one of those nobles of higher-ups agreeing to a statement they hadn't actually been listening to but nodded all the same just to look refined. "And for the dee, cookies."

Pulling the wrapping away, Bandana Dee found misshapen, lumpy cookies. They still looked completely baked and safe to eat, though. "Um, thank you." He wasn't sure why the great king was staring in his direction intently after that, like he was expecting something to happen. Or the kind of face he made when he was bird-watching. (Was it weird? For the king to be… bird-watching?)

With everybody (sans Meta Knight) staring at him, Bandana Dee uncomfortably crinkled the wrapping between his hands. What were they expecting? It was awkward to eat while someone else was watching, right? Or maybe—had they still not figured out how waddle dees ate? But it was still weird to show them directly, right?

"You see, De? You're making him nervous. A horrible friend, but that's no surprise."

"Me? You were starin' at him, too."

"Because you were staring at him!"

Dedede huffed like he normally did when he wasn't feeling up to putting up with Kirby's antagonism. "And what kinda cookie is that, anyway? Looks like you made it with grass."

Kirby clapped his hands once, slanting it up to his cheek. "Ooh, nice. Did that grumpy waddle doo teach you that?" After a short pause, he added, "He threw a boulder at me."

"You deserve it."

"What? I don't! I've been very nice to your tweedy little minions, you know. I gave a bunch of them some cookies just yesterday, and we had a nice chat."

Only after Bandana Dee bit into the cookie did he realise that must've been the explanation for his lack of duty that day.


	50. Saving of Worlds

**20 October 2017**

 ** _And here we have our very very final chapter._**

 _That was a long break. And this sounds too casual to be an apology. I feel like apologising would still feel too insincere, so I'll go ahead and tell you that even though I wrote these chapters over the course of a few months (six?) the main reason I couldn't update was because of some complicated situation in the house. It's nothing big or bad, but it's pretty much a nuisance. The long and short of it is that I need a new PC._

 _I can't remember if this ending was what I planned from the start of if it's something I just decided midway, but I planned it sometime anyway. I've said it before but I write my stories pretty much on a whim; most of the time I have some sort of ending in mind, albeit unclear. Basically, I know my starting and my ending and bullcrap my way through the middle._

 _Also, I got a lot of questions like, "Why is Kirby such an idiot?" or things like, "I don't really like that Kirby's so oblivious here." ...Well, if you see any of his character traits repeatedly being emphasised, I probably didn't do it without reason. And neither did Kirby. Isn't it harder if you don't get what you need upfront? —I could write a script about it, but I think that would ruin it._

 _The main focus of the story was Kirby, so I'll admit Band-Aid, Dedede, and Meta were all pretty half-baked. That's a flaw, though I can't say I don't like how they turned out. Bandy's inconsistent personality has a reason of its own, but…_

 _Meow (guest): You know, you could create an account and post crackfics or something on FFN? lol. I did read the whole review though. :p If you read this update by any miracle, thank you for your support. It was nice to read your reviews._

 _Moving on; for those curious about the statuses of everything else, I'm working on a weirder Kirby fic (that isn't comedy-based) which may never even be published, and I look at LTtR and the Minion project and I want to die, so I doubt there will be any quick progress on those. I'll be shocked if anyone still keeps those up to date, but you know, even a terrorist has their supporters._

* * *

50: Saving

 _of several, several different worlds, even the ones that kidnapped him, but it's still fine because it's still a world to save._

* * *

It was hard to approach the knight. Dedede had reassured himself countless times over that only Kirby was insane enough to talk to a fifty-foot tall spider and that thinking that it was hard to talk to someone was a natural, completely normal feeling. So he bumbled over and blurted out the stupidest sounding "Hey." he'd ever heard in his entire life.

Meta Knight's chin immediately jerked upwards, golden eyes sharpening. "Did Kirby ask you to talk to me?"

And with that, all eighteen scenarios Dedede had thought up and planned for in his head shattered. "Er… na—nah, he didn't. He was just… getting annoying, so I left."

For the longest five seconds, Meta Knight didn't react. And then he said, "Oh."

And then it occurred to Dedede they were both horribly awkward at interacting, felt a little relieved, and then felt a little admiration for how easily Kirby could weave his conversations.

"Why'd y'come? I thought you'd be able to run away from him," Dedede started, joining Meta Knight in sitting on the grassy slope next to the dirt footpath.

Meta Knight scooted away and didn't try to hide it. "That is because I owe him a lot. And he has never taken such drastic actions without a solid reason. And that is why, even though it irks me, I have chosen not to attempt any of the fifty-three viable escape routes there are right now."

Dedede blinked. "...Inviting people to picnics ain't 'drastic actions', y'know."

Meta Knight shot Dedede an incredulous look. "They are. What type of species would go out of their way to socia—" He coughed, definitely on purpose, paused for a while before returning to reading his book. Dedede figured he wouldn't get anything else much out of him, so he glanced over at where Kirby and Bandana Dee were.

His minion had carefully set two strawberry shortcakes on disposable plates that were far too small for comfort, and Kirby was staring at the sky distractedly when there was nothing in the sky to even get distracted by. Bandana Dee waved his hand, and Dedede got up to head over and let Meta Knight bask in his lack of social skills.

"What happened to this idiot?" Dedede angled his chin in Kirby's direction. "Food coma?"

"I don't know, he suddenly stopped harassing me and—whoa!"

Kirby suddenly slithered over and gripped the plate closer to Dedede, jumping to his feet and cackling. " _Stopped_? _Harassing_? I will never stop harassing people! Catch me if you can't, overgrown roly-poly!"

Dedede's instincts bolted into offensive. "Give that back, ya shrimp!" And then he rolled down the slope and darted after Kirby's tracks.

"W-Wait, Great King, it's all right—you can just have mine—" Bandana Dee blurted, found himself ignored, then jumped off the mat and sprinted after them.

Meta Knight watched them all fly past, Kirby with the balance of the beast and keeping the cake on, and inched closer to the rock behind him.

The ground before Kirby abruptly turned dark like it'd been sloshed with water. Kirby screeched to a halt, eyes shooting up to the sky. Dedede rammed head-first into Kirby's back, and the cake splattered all over the ground in creamy, crumbly bits, but Kirby's hands only dropped to his side.

From behind, he heard Bandana Dee say, "What's that?"

A ship tore out from the blue sky, tilted groundwards.

"A UFO," Kirby replied, mystified. "I've never seen one before." (He pretended he didn't remember he had become one a few times.)

"It's not a UFO if it's a flying ship, y'idiot."

The rip in the sky, outer space behind it, began to sew itself up. The ship began its descent, fire licking at its deck.

"It's going to explode!" Kirby hooted, jumped, turning the other way and running after the blue ship. "I wanna see it! Come on, Meta Knight, let's go! Let's go, let's go!"

In his simplicity, Dedede was already hot on Kirby's heels. "I'll be the first to see it! Move aside!"

"W—Wait, why do you want to _go_ to where a ship is exploding..?" Bandana Dee mumbled, fumbling after his king with feet turned inwards.

And so, dragging Meta Knight on the ground behind him, Kirby set out to save Dream Land for about the fiftieth time.


End file.
